The lineup

I am dating again. No one in particular, just dipping a reluctant toe back in the water rather than watching the group-swim from a lounge chair beside the pool.

My reluctance toward online dating is epic in this blog. Here, if you have any interest in that diatribe. But I’m not in diatribe mode at the moment. Instead, I’m in oh-yes-I-remember-this-is-how-it-feels-to-rip-off-the-bandage mode.

Every magnet has a north and a south pole. Two like poles will repel each other but opposites attract.

Had a wonderful first date with a man I felt such an immediate connection with—that was nice. But then radio silence. That was not. I retreated rather quickly. He is at a crossroads in life. He may be moving to one of a half dozen places far from here. I did not misinterpret the connection. Perhaps I just don’t want to have to figure out the myriad possibilities. Perhaps they don’t matter. Only the end result does. I only want men who know they want to be around me right now.

I once dated a man that launched what became rather predictable fits about how easily I left him. And I don’t mean a final leaving, I mean at the airport. I have always found it easier to be the one leaving than the one left behind, if I’m honest. It’s not that my heart didn’t—in the beginning—wish he or I could stay in one place. It’s that as the relationship went on, he demanded so much that the leaving was sweet relief.

Lining magnets up so that norths face norths, they will push away from each other hard enough to overcome the force of gravity.

This, from a woman who has a hard time finishing any book that I’ve loved because it means a breakup of sorts with something that has fed my soul. I have to remind myself often that the words live inside me after I’ve ingested them. I wonder if the same is true of past relationships.

I was once set loose by a man who was certain he’d found better. Until another man came along and crowned me queen. Suddenly, the first found me better. Far too late. Physically, I was still right in front of him. Emotionally, I was light-years away already. And beginning to claim my own worth.

The force between magnets depends on the separation distance and the flux density (magnetic strength) of the magnets used.

I open the antique silver box atop my dresser to find a small Tiffany’s gift card in my ex-husband’s handwriting: “Thank you for the beautiful gift of life you’ve given us.” We still have that gift of life. He sleeps one bedroom from mine. He snores and talks in his sleep and sometimes his feet hang over the bed. But the second diamond earring given in honor of birthing that life—now that I’ve lost.

Magnetism is very important because we use it to create energy.

It’s all attracting and repelling. Flux density and separation distance.

Except when it’s more.

I’ll wait for the “more” bit.

 

 

 

49 Comments Add yours

  1. “I only want men who know they want to be around me right now.” 🔥 Yes.

  2. Masha says:

    Here’s to dating, all I can say is have fun, just enjoy the ride, you’ll know the right one.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks, Masha! I appreciate the good thoughts :-).

  3. Amy says:

    Kristine, I love your creativity and the way you wield words. A powerful piece, this. xxx

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, thank you! Kind words And they mean a lot coming from you.

  4. Wishing you all the best! Finding the right person is challenging, but doable.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you. I’m thinking of it more in terms of being open to it rather than chasing it. I think that’s why the online bit feels a little contrived to me. But giving it a go😀.

  5. Karen Lang says:

    I had a mentor tell me once to question what it is in us that you don’t like or want in another. For example, Your date doesn’t know where he is going and so my mentor would say “Is there some spect of your life where you don’t know where you are going? “ I ask these questions each time I’m in a difficult situation with someone and then fix that in me and it always works. I hope you find your pearl Kristine 💕✨

    1. candidkay says:

      I’ve heard that also. That what most bothers us in others is a part of ourselves. Here’s to finding my perfectly imperfect pearl! Thanks, Karen😃.

  6. pirootb says:

    There are many similarities between magnets and electric charges. Just like magnets, similar charges repel and opposite charges attract each other. However, the crucial difference is, magnetic monopoles do not exist, each magnet has one north and one south pole, whereas a positive charge or a negative charge can exist on their own. People who are happy by themselves, and coupling with the opposite ‘pole’ is totally by choice, are more like electric charges, rather than magnets. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Well maybe that’s my issue! I’ve just got to change my frame of reference from magnets to charges:). And that begs the question–are you in the science field? Because that’s some wonderfully wonky stuff you’re mentioning . . .

      1. pirootb says:

        Yes, I had a science background. But what I wrote here, is high school stuff really, nothing too fancy 😊

      2. candidkay says:

        Oh, you may be underestimating your own science knowledge (or overestimating that of us “words” people). Wink, wink.

  7. mydangblog says:

    You have to go through a lot of oysters before you find a pearl. Best of luck in that ocean:-)

    1. candidkay says:

      Well put:). I wish I could just surf instead of diving deep–a lot of sharks in these waters. Thanks for the good juju!

  8. Wishing you the best, this hopeless romantic is hoping the one I found though it is an LDR will last a lifetime.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, that’s great! Good for you. I love it when love breaks through the ether❤️.

  9. I’m glad that I’ve never had to negotiate online dating because it all seems far to complicated! But I hope that until a keeper comes along that you enjoy the journey.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks, Andrea. Trying to enjoy the process. Just not sure us writers are wired for this kind of online swim 🏊‍♀️!

  10. Roy McCarthy says:

    From the (mature) single male perspective I think many of us have reached a point where (a) yes we love female company but (b) we’ve done extended relationships and the commitments they bring and are reluctant to give up the subsequent freedoms. And I understand that even many young ones now prefer to ‘hang out’ rather than announce a definite relationship.

    Rather different to the historical (medieval) novel I’m just reading. Then any highborn female was very soon found a suitable marriage partner to ensure the continuation or strengthening of tribal allegiances. One’s personal feelings were of no interest.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank God we’re beyond the age of tribal allegiances! I’m sure I would have been horsewhipped or burned at the stake for being far too independent back then. And I hear you on commitment. I think commitment is great–but two people leading their own lives, trying to merge and yet remain independent–that’s always tricky territory. Thanks, as always, for your insight, Roy.

  11. suemclaren24 says:

    Another winner. I appreciated the analogy of finishing a book, reluctantly, and the “mini” grieving process that is involved. Energetically, you are right on the mark with relationships.

    1. candidkay says:

      Right? Finishing a good book is satisfying and tough all at the same time. You’re just not sure that the next one will live up to the one you just finished :-).

  12. Isn’t it fun Kristine, so many flux’s verses…well, I won’t label them. I think as we get older our ‘worth’ steps up a few notches as we have been burnt a few times already. Taking the chance is hard enough but when the other party is doing the same it kind of leaves us in a stalemate 😀
    I have a young lady that I am helping at the moment who met ‘the one’ and went deep. After 3 months and the realization that he was actually bi-polar and she was determined they could make it work, the pieces have taken quite some time to repair. But.
    She finally saw something within herself that had caused her so much angst in her life…and she has changed into this smiley, dancing on the table, singing in the rain type of gal…who is this way and now on her own.
    She has met someone again but without the fear she is no longer expecting, needing or any ‘thing’ from the relationship and it appears to be going quite smoothly. But even if she falls, it no longer has that ‘crash’ that all before had attracted, simply because she is no longer projecting what went before.
    But that is the journey my friend, find ourselves first, realize our pain and it all turns into an echo, gradually fading to the silence of acceptance 😀
    Great post dear lady, words of wisdom from an engineer of life 😀
    Are you sure there isn’t a book in there somewhere, the magic of your words are priceless 😀

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, you sweet thing. There’s a book in it all somewhere. One written and I’m sure one still to come. But as with romance, so goes the polarity if publisher and agent chemistry, right? Kismet, here I am.

      1. You have very many supporters on here young lady. They have heard your magic and if some publishers flux is jammed by their separation distance, maybe you should do the self publishing thing 😀 🙏🏽

  13. markbialczak says:

    Here’s to finding it all, Kay.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks, Mark! I’ll toast to that 🥂.

  14. Dale says:

    Lawzy, lawzy, lawzy… Welcome to my world, Sister.
    I am amazed at how “attractive” I become when I am less than enthusiastic.

    I recently had a wonderful date, great conversation lasting over two hours, a reasonable kiss goodbye, followed by fun bantering by text, for the next few days, then silence. Hmm. So I text him (because I am damned if I am going to sit here and wonder) to ask if his silence is because we live too far apart and our schedules are a tad difficult at this time? He says yes. Oh, lovely. Apparently, that charm did not come with a set of balls.

    I, too, do not sit and watch the plane leave…

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, Dale. This is classic: “Apparently, that charm did not come with a set of balls.” Open the wine, sister. I’m coming over😂.

      1. Dale says:

        You betcha!
        Even have snacks! 😉

  15. Are you trying online dating or meeting via friends?

    1. candidkay says:

      Online. I hear two things from friends. The first is that they don’t know any single men. Not unusual at this age. And the second is that they know one or two single men but they would never wish them on any woman :-).😉

      1. Dale says:

        So you have the same friends as I have!!

  16. Good for you for getting back into the pool. Best wishes.

    1. candidkay says:

      I’ll take those best wishes. Thank you:). Trying not to head back to the lounge chairs with a good book😉.

      1. I hear you. More comfortable back there.

  17. I agree completely, be the first to leave at the airport and always wait until more is enough. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Right? Nothing worse than being the one left behind. At least we no longer have to stand at an airport window watching the plane take off . . .

      1. Absolutely. It’s much easier, after all I’m just going to my car and he’s getting on a plane and flying off. I really don’t want to be standing there like a sad puppy dog. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks for stopping by! Glad this one struck your fancy.

      1. Chocoviv says:

        You’re welcome 😇

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