For what it’s worth

My friend and I were out to dinner with my sister on Christmas Eve. My sister had asked about how dating was going after divorce. My friend answered: “Kristine and I are just trying to find men worthy of us.” At the time, I thought it a rather high-handed way to describe what we were…

I am not those other girls

I am not those other girls. You know. The ones that believe every story and think the sun rises and sets on your every word. The ones that don’t quite match you in gray matter. The ones that make your brow furrow and your eyes trail off into the distance as you realize they cannot…

Man a lifeboat

One day you finally knew  what you had to do, and began,  though the voices around you  kept shouting  their bad advice –  though the whole house  began to tremble  and you felt the old tug  at your ankles.  “Mend my life!”  each voice cried.  But you didn’t stop.  You knew what you had to…

The art of reduction

It occurred to me when I ordered up a tall blond. I rarely go to Starbucks, preferring my own coffee. But today, my power went out in the early morning. The Starbucks drive-through was my option. As I pulled up to the window after ordering, the woman taking my money laughed. “How tall would you…

We do life in this house

You know those weeks where the Universe throws a message at you again and again? And, in case you missed it, yet again? We’re having one of those in my house. We have a saying in my home: “We do life.” Meaning, we are fully human, we make mistakes, we figure it out. Rather than…

Whimpered thank you’s are not enough

I really need to get blinds for my office. Thank God I have them in the master bath. Two words. Dance party. Sunday morning. Need to work today, after working yesterday too. Would be so easy to bemoan what is going on in our lives. Chemo soon to start for my sons’ father. But I’ve…

The blank page speaks

I call it the tyranny of the blank page. I also call it the miracle of the blank page. How that plays out is up to me more often than not. I can tell myself that blank page will mock me because what I fill it with will not be good enough/smart enough/has been said…

Get out there and change the world

I cannot be this age. Truly. No milestone birthday looms this year. Instead, my youngest niece is about to graduate from college. And my friends’ children are studying to be journalists, doctors, scientists. I will not age myself and say that time flies—but I feel like I blinked at the Indy 500. My friend asked…

Living the life you’re in

Not all of us experience the dramatic moments that spur life-changing realizations. We don’t find our spouse in bed with someone else and realize, suddenly, what a dog he is. We don’t have a heart attack and quit our job because we see—in a blinding flash of pain–it is, literally, killing us. Instead, we find…

Bedrock

At the core of my home, on one of the central weight-bearing walls, hang photos of my family of origin. Some visitors wonder aloud why I do not feature photos of my children on this wall, as so many parents do. I hung these photos myself (a rare feat of incredible prowess for someone with…

Present in the present

I see the pain in my son’s face over the pain he has caused someone else. He wishes he could take what he has said and done back, but instead he covers his regret with bravado. And me? I try very hard not to go old-school on him and lecture. Because some things cannot be…

Braving dark corners

When was the last time you peered into the dark corners of your life? Taken one step further, when is the last time you peered and did something about what you saw instead of quickly looking away? Despite having put the task off for ages, that is how I spent my afternoon. You can erase…