The last perfect day

Hello, you. Thanks for stopping by. I have 11,000+ followers for this blog now. It wasn’t always this way. When I first began it, I was lucky if half a dozen people were reading–and that’s likely counting family members.  So I feel like I can republish a post from my early days that has new…

The one that got away. Thank God.

Ladies, do you remember the college crush that eluded you? The lead singer in a band, with long hair, a voice that could set hips afire and a faded jean jacket that he wore better than any other gorgeous man on God’s green earth? Not that I have anyone in particular in mind. I’m sure…

Praying for beautiful

I lay in my bed and prayed: “God, please make me beautiful.” Of all the things I could have prayed for, this now strikes me as a sad choice. I was a skinny, bony, pale pre-adolescent. Puberty had already struck half of the girls in my class, while I still looked like a tiny beanpole,…

So not like a boss

I often joke with my sons about things we do: “Owned that treadmill today, boys. Like a boss.” “Way to clean up your room—like a boss.” For any of you unfamiliar with the phrase, it means you pegged it. Whatever you’ve just done, you took charge and made it happen. All jesting aside, this week…

Grief is a funny thing. Except it isn’t.

You can go for days, weeks, months with no episodes. You are back to life as usual, feeling like you did the hard work to adjust to your new normal. Usually this new normal is a rearranged normal, a normal that for a time at least, is meant to cover a gaping hole in your…

Have faith. Be smart. One does not preclude the other.

I felt the impact and truth of what I was saying in my bones—literally. I felt the force of my conviction physically, and it surprised me. My mother lay dying in a hospital bed. She was still well enough to hold conversations and was worrying about my financial situation. I was married at the time…

Friends I used to know

“It’s a life changer.” I heard this phrase from several divorced friends when they found out I was getting divorced. On the surface, it sounds so obvious. Of course it’s a life changer. But they meant it at so many levels. The first level is obviously a change in marital and romantic status. Along with…

Bookish and Bonkers

I know a boy. He’s sensitive and funny, unpredictable and cantankerous. He’s my boy. His own boy, really, but I’ve been lucky enough to be lent him in this lifetime. I love him. And I also wring my hands. And then I smile. Let’s call him Bookish. When most of us have a raging headache, we crawl…

Surrender

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I waited to commit until I knew it was a promise I could keep. Till death do us part. In sickness and in health. Surrender. If only I could reach him. I see that this choice will hurt him. Maybe if I try one more time I can…

Soft and steely: A shout-out to the mamas

Amazing the number of conversations, online or otherwise, that have occurred in response to my last blog post on independent women. The upshot is–a lot of you agree with me that even women who stay at home should know they could support their family, keeping “one oar in the water,” so to speak. And some…

Befores and Afters: Conclusion

When you return to your mother at the hospice, she is visibly changed. You are with her on one of her worst days; the whole day she is grabbing at her clothes and you, trying to get out of bed, frantic to go, not at all lucid. On your last visit, you were able to…

Befores and Afters: Part III

Written after my mother died, this post and the two prior are about the experience, honoring a promise I made to Mom to write abour our journey so others will know they’re not alone. You walk in just as the priest is about to give last rites. Your sister moves over to let you hold your…