Can a bauble get you through a tough week? Sure. Shamelessly.

I’ve never been a believer in talismans. You can keep your rabbit’s foot and lucky penny. I shake my head when a pro baseball player feels compelled to perform rituals before he bats. Does the tap to the forehead and scratch of the nose really play into his homerun stats? Doubtful. But I get what…

I don’t let just anyone call me awful nicknames

Only my kindred spirit, Audrey. I believe my big sisters tried to do so, but with little success. None of their monikers stuck. I’m still here and Audrey is not. Her awful nickname for me is still here also. And there must be a reason for that. I met Audrey at the ripe old age…

Solace in the kitchen

The kitchen used to be enemy territory for me. I grew up with a mother who cooked out of necessity. I did not see joy in her face while she prepared meals. My father, on the other hand, saw cooking as one of the highest creative pursuits. He could cobble a spread from whatever happened…

Feeding my starving children and a dead neighbor

Crass title. But, unfortunately, an all-too-true title. My good intentions got me nowhere this week. They say intention matters but I’m more of a “where the rubber hits the road” kind of gal. If you’re going to do something, do it. Don’t hem and haw about how you’re planning to do it, meant to do…

So not like a boss

I often joke with my sons about things we do: “Owned that treadmill today, boys. Like a boss.” “Way to clean up your room—like a boss.” For any of you unfamiliar with the phrase, it means you pegged it. Whatever you’ve just done, you took charge and made it happen. All jesting aside, this week…

Grief is a funny thing. Except it isn’t.

You can go for days, weeks, months with no episodes. You are back to life as usual, feeling like you did the hard work to adjust to your new normal. Usually this new normal is a rearranged normal, a normal that for a time at least, is meant to cover a gaping hole in your…

I remember flags waving

A week ago, we celebrated Memorial Day in the States. As the daughter of a man who trained as an Air Force navigator and tail gunner in World War II, this was a big day in our house. I try still to keep the spirit of the day in mind. My memories wandered as I…

Cheerios moments

I am missing the small things. If you’ve ever lost a loved one, you soon realize the moments that haunt you, that you would give anything to get back, are the little ones. The Cheerios moments. Mother’s Day falls on my birthday this year. At times like these, I try to celebrate how blessed I…

Remembered

My dad was never one to forget a special occasion. Even when it was completely out of synch with modern society, he bought each and every one of his six daughters, as well as my mother, a wrist corsage to wear each Easter. My mother received a dozen yellow roses for each of her 62…

Surrender

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I waited to commit until I knew it was a promise I could keep. Till death do us part. In sickness and in health. Surrender. If only I could reach him. I see that this choice will hurt him. Maybe if I try one more time I can…

Focus. Anchor. Breathe.

When you lose an anchor in life, if you’re smart, you look for another one. If you’re wise, you make yourself that anchor. Any regular reader of my blog knows my father passed away last summer and my sister is battling Stage IV ovarian cancer. I was going to make this entry lighthearted and then…

Befores and Afters: Conclusion

When you return to your mother at the hospice, she is visibly changed. You are with her on one of her worst days; the whole day she is grabbing at her clothes and you, trying to get out of bed, frantic to go, not at all lucid. On your last visit, you were able to…