“Hey, can I tell you something?”

At first, I learned to prepare for it. Later, I sometimes even looked forward to it. And now I’m going to miss it. “Hi, Miss Kristine!” The tiny girl voice wafts through the backyard before I even have both feet on my deck. “Hey, can I tell you something?” This is how the ritual has…

Scenes from a Sunday morning waiting room

I had a morning of solidarity with the little people today. You know the ones. Just under three feet tall, sticky fingers, still mastering large multisyllabic words. And apparently, sick quite often, if the local urgent care center is any indication. I wandered into the waiting room of my local urgent care reluctantly this morning….

Dancing with Janet

I am in a small, hot room in the middle of winter. Although I look like I’m dressed for aerobics, the (much) older people around me look like they could be heading to the grocery store. Luke Bryan comes through the speaker, telling me what makes me “country.” Thanks, Luke, but I am really not…

My very own Day of the Dead

I do not normally celebrate the Day of the Dead, a holiday celebrated in Mexico. But this year, the Universe decided to include me. I’ve previously written about the circus I like to call my backyard. I’ve talked about the wild rumpus before. Rest assured that it continues. If there isn’t a pint-sized human running…

Snuggie at the ready

I’m venturing into a virtual minefield with this post. Into a veritable hotbed of opinions. The battle lines drawn around this topic will make my last post on women’s rights look positively demure. We’re about to delve into kitschy culture. Coming soon to a television near you is—gasp—the Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movie lineup. I’m not…

Oh Happy Day

Don’t tell me the Universe doesn’t have a sense of humor. Today proves otherwise. My son and I were driving to the city today to a gospel brunch. I was feeling the need for some hand-clappin’, soul-soothin’, old-ladies-in-hats kind of music. Something that unites, not divides, in a week where our president spewed more ugly…

Sophie’s Choice in the dermatology office

My dermatologist makes me laugh with the same question whenever I bemoan my weight and aging: “Ass or face? Make a choice, Kristine.” Allow me to explain. The sign above her desk shows two words: “ass” and “face.” When “face” has a smiley face below it, “ass” has a frowney face. And vice versa. Meaning–a…

A shout-out from the Queen of Onomatopoeia

Slam. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Clap clap. “Hellooooo all!” And I make my entrance. That’s a lot of hullaballoo for an entrance into my own family room, right? But we’ve entered the teenaged years. The teenaged-with–girlfriend years. Oy. I find myself going up and down my stairs enough for it to qualify as aerobic activity. As…

On newfangled doors and old-fangled ladies

The minute the words were out of my mouth, I could hardly believe I said them. As I held the automatic door open for the young mom with a baby in her arms and a toddler in the stroller, she thanked me. The button to activate the door wasn’t working. “I remember being in your…

One of THOSE people

My friend Matt, from the vantage point of his long-term relationship and semi-retired life, often decides to “fix” my life. I find this particularly amusing and endearing because he is a big bear of a man, at about 6’4”. His MO is about as far from “Dear Abby” as you can get. And yet. I…

Love is in the air

“I didn’t mean to steal your heart,” he said with a smile, gazing into my eyes. Which is when the checkout clerk said, “That’s not her heart. It’s yours. It comes free with the flowers.” Yes, dear reader, if this was a romance novel rather than my blog, he would have uttered that phrase to…

The price of civility

I was bred to be polite. If there were a thoroughbred stable for polite people, I would have been a Kentucky blue blood despite my Ohio roots. I sometimes even bless myself when I sneeze. It’s a knee-jerk reaction that I blame on—who else—my mother. Her instructions in etiquette were a large dose of, “What…