A barn burner

We absorb what our parents show us, deep in our cells, unknowingly. Even as we fight, as teens, to be anything but them, their love seeps into our bones—the very marrow–changing us. Some of those changes appear as is, others are stored for future us, tempered in our cells with time. It must be hard…

The mommy compass

It was crystal clear to any experienced mom within shouting distance of this woman. She did not yet have a mommy compass. The mother in question was trying her best to swim in the shark-infested waters of a newly formed play group. As the other mothers peppered her with questions, I could see the look…

Cheerios moments

I am missing the small things. If you’ve ever lost a loved one, you soon realize the moments that haunt you, that you would give anything to get back, are the little ones. The Cheerios moments. Mother’s Day falls on my birthday this year. At times like these, I try to celebrate how blessed I…

Soft and steely: A shout-out to the mamas

Amazing the number of conversations, online or otherwise, that have occurred in response to my last blog post on independent women. The upshot is–a lot of you agree with me that even women who stay at home should know they could support their family, keeping “one oar in the water,” so to speak. And some…

The Fab Four

Rarely do I let my snarkier self—the one honed at an all-female, private-school–take over the keyboard but mommy politics requires a more finessed hand, a sharper tongue. I’m going to venture into the realm of the catty but true.  Oh, and maybe into a couple glasses of wine or a martini. I have learned my…

Befores and Afters: Conclusion

When you return to your mother at the hospice, she is visibly changed. You are with her on one of her worst days; the whole day she is grabbing at her clothes and you, trying to get out of bed, frantic to go, not at all lucid. On your last visit, you were able to…

Befores and Afters: Part II

As she begins to die, your mother tells you not to let them find her wandering the halls naked. This breaks your heart because she knows her doctor did find her naked, having fallen trying to get out of bed, several nights before. She’s now to the point where she knows that her lucidity sometimes fades,…

Befores and Afters

My mother died two years ago, almost to the day. It’s time to begin to tell that story, which will probably take several posts. I hope my sharing helps some of you going through similar experiences. The death of a parent changes you in a can’t-go-back kind of way. It changes you whether you let…

The changing of the guard

My thoughts are swirling after spending a day in my childhood home, which is now about to become someone else’s childhood home. My sisters and I spent a day going through the last bits of the life my parents had made. Not technically “the” life, of course. That life died with my parents. But, the…