Mommy poker

English: Poker Chips
English: Poker Chips (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

They were gathered around a large table at our local coffee shop, babes in arms or baby carriers, while toddlers played in the toy corner. A seemingly Rockwellian scene, but these mamas were playing for keeps.

“14 hours. Did you hear me? 14! While he is reading a magazine.”

In case you’re unfamiliar with the high-stakes game of Mommy poker, anything involving a declaration of hours usually refers to childbirth or helping children with homework. The higher the number, the bigger your mommy street cred.

“14, huh? Well, try 22 hours and no epidural. And he talked on his cell phone to his mother half the time.”

Hmmm. Predictable call. I’m guessing someone ups the ante.

“Oh, ladies. Listen to this: 24 hours, no epidural and ended up with a C-section anyway. And he asked me if I’d brought any snacks for him. FOR HIM.”

Yep, as I thought. This is a cash game, alright. Playing for keeps.

“Oh, please. I went 24 hours without an epidural, got the C-section and he FAINTED in the operating room.”

Let’s see. Anyone going to call her bluff?

“Girlfriend, I had all that and a mother-in-law in the room for most of it. Who said, ‘Don’t you want to change and fix your hair before pictures, darling?’ Like she was fresh as a daisy after childbirth.”

Wow—royal flush. Didn’t see that one coming.

The game didn’t end there. They moved on to feeding and education. I won’t bore you with the details but let’s just say the mommy who grinds her own organic baby food, reviews flash cards with Junior every day (in English and Mandarin) and who has instituted “enrichment time” at dinner where the day’s news events are discussed, won hands down.

Too bad I wasn’t playing. I would’ve called her bluff. Really. Who besides a native can read flash cards in Mandarin?

Possibly the victor with the amazing poker face. But if I were a betting woman . . .

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Eva Cornejo says:

    Hahaha good analogy!

    1. candidkay says:

      Bet you’ve played this one, living where you live:)

  2. beadstork says:

    I will confess to playing an occasional hand, but only when the subject is Horrific Childbirth. And I pretty much always win. I have a blog post about it somewhere…

    1. candidkay says:

      You’ll have to send me the link–I don’t think I’ve seen that one.

  3. stinam says:

    Laughing so hard right now! Oh, how many times I’ve been a party to these poker games. Luckily for me, my kids are adopted and so I just throw my hands up and say, “Sorry, someone else did all the work for me…” effectively removing myself from this painful poker game. lol

    1. candidkay says:

      See? The benefit of folding your hand:) Took me awhile to learn that one! In fact, my friends are playing their own games in response to this being published on my Facebook page . . .

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