Mortification by Mama

Disco ball in blue
Disco ball in blue (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I. Am. Embarrassing.

Or so I’m told by my oldest.

Embarrassing with a capital E.

Maybe with a few exclamation points thrown in.

In fact, I do not even have to work at this quality. It comes effortlessly to me. My very breathing is embarrassing.

And, being a bit of a contrarian, I find that since I have become so embarrassing (when some latent gene went to his brain at the age of 12 and this truth was suddenly revealed to him), I work hard at being extremely embarrassing, even though I don’t have to do so.

Because if you’re embarrassing anyway, you may as well have fun with it.

So when I walk up to him at a class bowling party to ask what he would like to drink, and he turns beet red and pretends he does not know me—I lean in, give him a hug and say, “What was that, sweetums?”

As he flushes a deeper crimson color and mumbles under his breath, “Mom, you are EMBARRASSING me,” I ruffle his hair and ask his friend if I am truly so embarrassing.

“Nah, Mrs. R. You’re awesome!” he says, smiling and giving me a fist bump.

Take that, evil spawn.

When his friends sleep over, I dance and sing while flipping pancakes. To music he disgustedly calls “yodeling hippie music.” Michael Stipe would be appalled—or maybe flattered; I’m not sure which.

One of his friends decides to dance along with me. My son cannot believe this boy is not acting as if burning acid is being poured over his entire body. I can see it amazes him that his pal does not see how utterly humiliating this situation is.

Worse yet, in drop-off line at school, I chair dance. Meaning, I dance in my seat while we wait to be able to drop him off. At which point he tries to physically restrain me, saying, “Mom, people can SEE you!”

Yes, dear child, they can. And some will like me and laugh along with me. Others will not. What the years will teach you, I hope, is that the journey is short and what others think is really irrelevant. This applies tenfold to the small-minded fellow earthlings that will cross your path.

Cue the yodeling hippies. I feel a dance coming on. Care to join me?

If you won’t, Ellen will. Looks like she is embarrassing too. How about you?


19 Comments Add yours

  1. I know this too!! 2 boys 20 and 17, three stepsons between 18 and 23. I truly do not know how I survive the continual put downs!! I will not stop singing,talking to strangers, or even drinking red wine. I know they love me really, they just don’t know it.

  2. Lol! I fear I’m nearing that point with my Little Man. So far, he’s still pretty cool with me. But it won’t be long.

    1. candidkay says:

      Enjoy it while it lasts:)

  3. Great post. Made me smile. I have a teenager and my breathing embarrasses them, ha.
    I remember a story of a friend that had a teenager that would not mind their calls when curfew was not being met. So on one occasion during a school dance for Halloween their child was not answering the calls and kept texting that they were almost done. The parent got upset and decided to dress up for Halloween as a homeless person, no teeth and ragged clothes. They showed up at the dance and mortified the child. The child NEVER missed curfew again. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Wow. I can see why curfew was never a problem again! 🙂

  4. Anne says:

    LOL – good for you – I remember those days when I was told mom is there any way you can not be seen while you are dropping me off at school? I said well short of laying down on the seat (and then I cannot see to drive) I don’t think there is any way to ber invisible. I however tried to be very low key. LOL

    1. candidkay says:

      I believe that request will be coming before I know it:)

  5. Jenny says:

    Laughing until I’m teary eyed! Such a wonderful story…and message. Thanks for visiting/following my blog. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to discover you.

    1. candidkay says:

      Glad it struck a chord. If I can make you laugh or cry, I’ve done my job:)

  6. Shelly Keating says:

    so funny…I was just told to roll up the windows because my music was embarrassing……..

    1. candidkay says:

      Well, all yodeling hippie music is, isn’t it? 🙂

  7. Great post! I have three stories along these lines:
    1) I have a friend who’s a rock musician and quite well known in Australia, with at least one platinum record. He decided to take his daughter to a rock concert and got tickets for a couple of her friends, too. As they were entering the venue, she said to him, “Dad, please don’t sit with us—it would be embarrassing”.
    He said, jokingly, “But I’m a rock star! I’m cool!”
    She said, “No you’re not. You’re just my dad.”

    2) I have a brother who is 22 years younger than me. When he was in his mid-teens, I told him I would pick him up from school one day and he said, “OK, but don’t get out of the car”.
    I was puzzled. “Why not?” I asked.
    “Just don’t,” he said emphatically.
    “But how will you know when I arrive?”
    “I’ll be watching.”
    When I arrived, he raced out and jumped in, and urged me to make a quick getaway, lest anyone see how embarrassingly old his sister was, I guess.

    3) About that time, too, he used to have lots of friends (all boys) round for LAN parties on their computers. Mum always made food for them, every bit of which was devoured. But one day, my brother said to my mother, “Don’t fuss and don’t make any food for them”.
    She said, “Why not?”
    “Because it’s embarrassing!” he answered.
    She’s still puzzling over that one.

    1. candidkay says:

      The food bit is at our house too! I don’t know why my spaghetti or steak is embarrassing, but seems to be:). Glad to know I’m in rock star company!

  8. beadstork says:

    My daughter likes me right now but she is only 7. Just give her time – I’m sure I’ll embarrass her to death! And I love REM too!

    1. candidkay says:

      Glad to know someone else appreciates yodeling hippies:)

  9. adventures says:

    Oh yes, I have been through the whole “Mom, stop! You’re Embarrassing ME!” thing before. Actually, I don’t hear it as much as I use to though. I’m not sure if I’ve become more cool now or if the age they are at now accepts me? Who knows. I always enjoyed being embarrassing! 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      I can’t even imagine at what age I become cool again, but you’re giving me hope it’s coming:).

      1. adventures says:

        My boys are 14, 15, and 16 yrs old. (The 15 yr old we took in, but I love him the same as my other two boys.) I was uncool from ages 8-13 with them and a strange things happened at 14…The way they thought of me changed. Maybe they pity me instead as I get older? They even started minding my instructions for chores instead of the usual blowing me off. I have no idea why the change occurred, but it’s been a nice one on the home front

      2. candidkay says:

        I can only hope for the same!

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