Owning my flawed choices

I’m happy to have been published in Medium’s Literally Literary publication today, on the theme of Redemption. Apropos for this Easter weekend. Please check it out, friends. And have a peaceful, blessed, joyful spring weekend . . .

My father’s tie hangs in the “His” closet of my His & Hers set. The “His” to my “Hers” moved out, pre-divorce, five years ago. So, while the tie looks a bit lonely amidst the formal dresses and snappy stilettos, there it sits.

Odd that my father’s tie is still with me, although he is not. At least not physically. I feel him in spirit, hovering near on the days I feel less than my best self.

For the rest, visit Literally Literary.



26 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh dear one, this made me cry. Incredibly written and very, very close to home. My dad was wonderful, but yes, he had flaws. We were both trying to figure it all outta the same time, and really just had each other. I lost him to pancreatic cancer when I was. My former husband is possibly the most amazing man I have ever met. I let him go. Maybe my flaw.. Maybe i dont think I deserve wonderful.
    Your writing is beautiful. I’m glad I found you and I hope your heart is healing… I feel and so understand the pain you have been through.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. And your ex. Perhaps he was wonderful but not the right wonderful for you? I think it’s always painful when we have to let someone who’s a really good person go because we are not the best person for them. Wishing you peace and thanking you for the kind words.

      1. Exactly it. Exactly. Same to you, Kay

  2. tonifoverby says:

    I’m just discovering this blog, and WOW, I love this post. I too have found myself married to a flawed man after having a flawed father. Though my husband looked completely different on paper, I have realized after nearly 16 years of marriage that they are the same. But with four kids and memories of my parents’ horrible divorce, I’m in that stuck place of not knowing what to do. Thanks for writing this piece and letting me know I’m not alone. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, it’s a tough place to be, isn’t it? I stayed for my kids for some time. And now, in hindsight, realize that might not have been the right thing to do. Wishing you wisdom and a clear sense of the right direction for you.

  3. Your post touched me so deeply. My dad and I were thick as thieves my entire life, but he has changed and is now battling cancer. Your story gives me hope, that, despite my dad’s inability to show me his love, perhaps somewhere deep inside him it still exists. Just maybe his eyes still get misty when I am not looking. I have to believe they do.

    And, oh how I miss the sound of my dog snoring beside me at the end of a long day. It was my most favourite sound!

    1. candidkay says:

      It’s so hard to remember that their ability to show love is not based upon your value, but upon their capability. Especially as a child, even an adult one. Wishing you peace on that front. And a snoring, sighing dog? Nothing better in life:). They are such a gift, aren’t they?

      1. Wow, I can’t tell you how much this has helped me. Thank you so much!! And yes, what a gift and a blessing they were in my life! Enjoy all your snores and cuddles!

  4. You write on Medium too? Anyways congrats!!
    On my way to read it

  5. Wow. So deep. I love that thought of love being someone willing to lay down his/her life for another. This is the purest love.

    1. candidkay says:

      You’ll feel it if you become a parent:).

      1. It is very biblical. I guess that is why we call God our Father!

  6. Aunt Beulah says:

    My mother often told me I would live a long time with the choices I made — wisdom I overlooked when I made life-altering choices in my early twenties as most young adults do. Some of them were poor choices, of course: the man I married and accepting his stance that we shouldn’t have children for various altruistic and selfish reasons. But late in life I found another man, a bit flawed, who loved me with all his heart and shared his children and grandchildren with me. Still, there are regrets.

    1. candidkay says:

      Regrets are so sad, aren’t they? Did you see La La Land? At the end, the female lead plays a movie in her head of what might have been–the life she didn’t choose. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the theater.

  7. Love your honest raw writing as always Kristine. Our parents, our first mentors in life, often do lead us into repeat cycles but letting that go and creating a new life as Adults is liberating and creates true freedom! Thanks for sharing 💕

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks for reading and for your always thoughtful commentary :-).

  8. Our flaws and flawed relationships shape us in so many ways, for better and for worse. And for growing wiser. Maybe when we find the strength to own our flaws and our choices we gain freedom from the power they sometimes seem to have over us. Thanks for your insights and reflections.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, I so believe that. Acceptance is the first step to wisdom and freedom. Thanks so much for reading and commenting so thoughtfully. You always have something to share that helps us all.

  9. Ninasusan says:

    I felt lots of emotion reading this blog. From sadness to anger to hope!

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you for feeling the entire range and sticking with it :-).

  10. George says:

    A very honest, raw and beautifully written piece. It speaks to everyplace you’ve been and where you are today.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you, George:). Kind words!

  11. Cindy Frank says:

    As always, beautifully written, deeply felt. Bravo!

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you, Cindy! I appreciate you reading and always being so thoughtful in your comments:).

  12. cristi says:

    I feel my dad “hovering near” too when I need him. Love that! I keep a sweater of his in my closet, instead of a tie. 🙂 Wishing you all Spring’s best this Easter weekend! xo

    1. candidkay says:

      Isn’t it a great feeling, still knowing he watches over you? I hope you wear the sweater from time to time . . .

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