True confession: I wrote this last week and this week, struggled to be as #grateful as I was when I wrote this. But that’s life, right? Here we go:

Some days I am so damn grateful.

This, despite the Cheerios box that sits open on my kitchen island in defiance of my many muttered warnings to my son to “put things where they belong.”

Despite the nefarious powers-that-be at Microsoft deciding that automatically saving document changes is somehow a good idea—one that will leave mercurial me with docs I’ve butchered and no previous pristine version saved. What fresh hell is this?

Despite my 90-pound dog sitting on my main stairs and crossing her legs because 6-ft men don’t scare her but thunder does. My odds on getting her to go out in this deluge are about the same as the Cleveland Browns getting to the Super Bowl.

The older I get, the more I realize real gratitude is not an emotion that discriminates. I can no longer say that I’m grateful for being flooded with work while grimacing on the flipside about being overwhelmed. I’m grateful for it all—the pretty, the messy, the in-between.

And the more moments of gratitude I can enjoy, without artificially grasping at them to stay, the more good that flows. Last night, I sat with a friend at a local restaurant when the owner came to our table to chat. He is my neighbor’s son, so I’ve watched him grow up over the past two decades. I met his daughter, talked about his deceased grandpa (who is one of the gems I’ve written about previously) and discussed how business is going. As my friend requested the bill, we were told he had comped us. I sat back, smiled, took another sip of a darn good Aviation cocktail and felt thankful in the moment for good neighbors, good friends, and really good drinks on a Wednesday.

I came home to a son with a sore throat who is too sick to go to school today, a plethora of deadlines by Monday, multiple bills for work done on and around my house.


Those of you who have mastered these moments will not think that odd. And those who haven’t will wonder if I’ve gone to some sort of Pollyanna hell.

I haven’t.

I’ve just realized that the zen comes when you don’t effort. When you don’t hold anything too tightly—the good or the bad. When you allow it to flow through you regardless, knowing somehow you’ll still be standing in the aftermath.

Perhaps you’ll be standing in your father’s old Michigan State sweatshirt and Cleveland Indians flannel pants while cooking dinner, not having changed into your real clothes because you’ve been working at the kitchen island since 6 a.m.

You may look funny. But you’ll be #grateful, even for that.

Tell me below, friends, what you’re grateful for this week. Let’s keep the zen going. Even the stuff you’re thankful for through gritted teeth.


47 Comments Add yours

  1. KM Huber says:

    Reading your post provides just the perspective I needed to widen my life lens and “even out.” Thanks, Kay!

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, I’m so glad! You’ve done the same for me many a time:).

  2. Masha says:

    This post made me laugh, loved it. I’m grateful for my therapist who comes every day and doesn’t care that I’m complaining that I can’t do it, that it hurts, that bla bla, she encourages me, repremends me, and has done wonders for my knee. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, I’m so glad your knee is healing! I am sure it’s hard work, but I truly hope you feel like it’s good as new after the pain . . .

  3. Loved reading how you are moving effortlessly Kristine❤️ Being grateful for all the moments of our life, in every form truly does allow our life to flow and we get to feel the essence of peace, joy and love that we each are😘 much love and zen to you, Barbara x

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you, Barbara! I think you are great at fluidity . . . years of practice, right?

      1. Yes life has a way of showing you… if we observe❤️

  4. Speaking of docs autosaving, have you ever heard of version control?

    It is a tool developers ( primarily ) use to keep track of the changes in the files. It might be more useful if you have to keep backtracking a lot.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you! Always love suggestions.

  5. I’m grateful for too many things – mostly people – to list here. So true too, don’t hold on to anything too tightly. Just let it be.
    Happy Mother’s Day!

    1. candidkay says:

      People, not things. That’s a good way to be:).

  6. Isn’t it true that just when we think we’ve got zen sorted, things change so that we can’t be quite as zen as we were! But I guess one of the things we need to be grateful for is that everything passes, so that we can appreciate the good more and not get stuck in the bad.

    1. candidkay says:

      I picture the Universe smiling as we pat ourselves on the back for our zen–and then throwing a zinger:).

  7. I too, have come to the conclusion that true inner peace is found when I’m able to allow life to flow through me. When, even in the midst of what sometimes feels like never ending discomfort, I know deep inside it will pass. Eventually. Grateful that all pain and angst eventually passes.

    1. candidkay says:

      Right? And you’re so tempted to tense up instead of allow the flow, because the flow can be painful. But far less painful than when you don’t let it happen. I’m finding a beauty, as I get older, in contradictions. Pain and joy at the same time. Clarity and confusion. I know you get it . . .

  8. I dear lady am ever grateful for this journey. For without it we are lost, never to know the beauty of a love where standing at your kitchen island in said apparel matters not, simply because you are accepting and loving even more that heart within that is learning to go with that flow ❤

    1. candidkay says:

      Well put, as always, Mr. Lanesbury! And oh so true. Thanks for adding your wisdom and gratitude to the mix.

  9. Su Leslie says:

    Lovely post. I think I got my gratitude piece written just in time, cos the last couple of days have been so full of minor-ish messes I wouldn’t have bothered.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh boy, First off, I hope the messes resolve themselves in a magical poof:). Second, how did I miss that post? Am going to have go back in your archives!

      1. Su Leslie says:

        Most of the messes are my son’s and only he can fix them. I’m just on standby as the official supplier of hugs and scrambled eggs.

      2. candidkay says:

        That is an important role! 🍳 🤗

  10. Automatically saving documents changes is NOT a good idea, let ME decide! 😀

    1. Btw I’m going to write a post one day just so as I can use the word nefarious.

      1. candidkay says:

        It’s a silver-dollar word:).

  11. Judy says:

    It’s tougher being grateful when I’m standing in the middle of the storm, but the storm is somehow “better” when I’m grateful. I’m grateful I have less than four chapters to re-write.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, well put. It still may rage, but it doesn’t impact you as much, right? At least that’s how I view gratitude’s impact. And less than four chapters! That’s huge. Progress, right?

      1. Judy says:


  12. Andrea Frazer says:

    Water that glows. Though glowing water would be Amazing!

  13. Andrea Frazer says:

    I’m grateful for daily gratitude lists with my husband and friends we send them to for accountability, being more like water that glows instead of rigid ice that cracks and breaks, Staying open to change, learning to set boundaries and two teenagers who will talk with me

    1. candidkay says:

      I got what you meant! Flows:). And two teens who will talk to you is HUGE. My sons open up and I’m grateful too. It sure beats the alternative. And keep setting those boundaries. Lifesavers, right? Thanks for sharing–and I’m wishing you a weekend full of things to be grateful for . . .

      1. Andrea Frazer says:

        Yes the boundaries of the hardest thing for me. I’m a formal people pleaser and if you asked me if I was friends with my kids I’d say no but due to some issues with one of my kids I’m realizing that they are used to being more in charge. I’m going to have to be patient as I reassert my expectations 🧡

      2. candidkay says:

        I think so many women are raised to be people pleasers. More so than boys are. Good for you for working on it–it’s not easy!

  14. Dale says:

    Wonderful post, my friend. Funny how we do that, eh? Write something, put it aside to polish it up, life gets in the way then you wonder if you should even post it because the feeling has passed for XYZ reasons. I’m glad you did (and of course had to click on your link to read about Hugh).

    As I look around the mess that is my house. At ALL the sh*t that is still not in boxes. I look at the date and realise I have 20 days to finish packing this all up. Yet, I am grateful to all those who are helping me: my cousin with the drywall after my water issue, my friend, with setting up my pool as it must be up and running for the new owners, the friends who have offered to be there on June for the move, the work that is getting in the way of my being organised (ok here I lie. I’ll never be organised and have convinced myself I work best under pressure.)

    I’m very grateful for this wonderful on-line community, too!

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, Dale. I love that you can be grateful amid the hectic schedule! I can’t even imagine moving house right now. But, am a bit envious of your opp to really jettison a lot of life “weight.” It sounds like you have some wonderful local friends! Drywall, pool, moving–those are heavy-duty tasks. Those are the true-blue friends you hold onto, right? And as for organization–it’s overrated:).

      1. Dale says:

        Am so looking forward to a true new beginning.
        Thank goodness it is overrated coz, honestly, my skillz at that particular skill are not top shelf 😉

  15. aprilgarner says:

    I’m grateful for my neighbors — everyone on my street. They are the kind of people you can invite over for a glass of wine without cleaning the house, and they are always willing to help out when you need it.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh man! I LOVE the people you don’t need to clean house for. Had a couple of friends pop in the other night unexpectedly and as I started to apologize for the end-of-day clutter, their response was: “Oh, you mean you live a real life in a real house?” Love those folks. You are definitely lucky!

  16. mydangblog says:

    I’m grateful for so many things that it would be hard to catalogue them, which is an excellent place to be:-)

    1. candidkay says:

      That IS an excellent place to be! And sometimes the best feeling is just that one of overarching gratitude, not needing to spell out any one particular thing.

  17. Sid says:

    Grateful that my brother exists and helps me a lot. I’m starting to realize it lately. But you know I can’t say that I’m grateful for you helping me because that becomes too awkward. 😂😂

    1. candidkay says:

      Ah, yes–that lovely awkwardness between brothers:). But even if you can’t say it, write it or something. Hopefully you two will have many years ahead–but we just never know. Most of my regrets are over what I didn’t say . . .

  18. suemclaren24 says:

    At almost 80, I am grateful just to wake up in the morning! And the days (usually) only get better after that. If I am feeling low, I remember what I have – a roof over my head, food, clothing, top notch neighbors, sterling step-families, 7 fur-bearing house-mates, ETC (caps intentional). Focusing on what I have, puts life back into perspective. You do that too.

    1. candidkay says:

      That sounds like a lot to be grateful for, Sue:). You sound like my father, who was really good at appreciating the small, everyday things.

  19. Cindy says:

    SO grateful for dear & talented friends like you!!😘😘

    1. candidkay says:

      Aw, now that just makes today a whole lot nicer:). Right back ‘atcha! Thank you, friend.

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