I want to make one thing perfectly clear, people.
I am one of you. Only of a certain select subset. I am one of the Beautiful People.
What? You’ve not been?
Of course I jest, people. Not about the voting but the attitude.
Here’s the back story.
When I was participating in that wonderful online mosh pit we like to call online dating, I was made aware of a site that only accepted “Beautiful People.” Their tagline is: “Online dating for beautiful people only.”
I’m not kidding.
And, being who I am, I had to find out what this was all about because I (a) found the concept a bit heinous and (b) wanted to share my thoughts with all of you.
So, I submitted several photos to the site and then—guess what? I got to watch the voting on my physical attractiveness for a good 24-48 hours. The categories were something like “Hot Stuff”, “Meh,” and “Woof Woof.” I may be taking a few liberties here with my memory but you get the idea.
I watched, real-time, as those already in the Beautiful People club voted on my worthiness to join their lush-locked, bee-stung lipped, toned and tanned ranks.
Let’s hearken back to seventh grade.
Bespectacled, with freshly feathered hair, best Jordache jeans on, Goody comb in my back pocket, I waited during the Snowball skate at the local roller rink for one of the Beautiful Boys in my class to ask me to skate.
It was torture.
My chances were slim but there I stood because the only thing worse than standing with your friends and not being asked to skate was standing at the snack bar stuffing your face during the Snowball. Hiding out in the restroom was another option but it was surprisingly crowded during the Snowball.
And I had learned, by seventh grade, that standing tall and taking your lumps at least built character. Hiding out in the bathroom just made you a weenie.
I thought my seventh-grade days were over.
Until BeautifulPeople.com came along.
The outcome was different. In seventh grade, I am not sure I ever got asked to skate. Perhaps once. But on BeautifulPeople.com, I was in. Like buttah. By a healthy margin.
If I were the type to judge my worthiness by physical attributes, I would have never survived junior high. And I’d be on a seesaw daily now, depending on if I’d showered and put some effort in or was running around sans makeup running errands.
Funny. Had I shown the Beautiful People pics of both sides of me, I think the results would have been very different. And yet, I am the same person regardless of the façade.
I never did the other things required of me to actually troll the Beautiful People site or respond to the men who “blinked” at me. Still not sure why they choose “blink” as a way someone shows you attention. I mean, as fetching as all of us Beautiful People are, how could you not just stare, unblinking, for hours? Wouldn’t that be more of a compliment? Their marketing and operations people really need to get on that.
The point is, I was not interested.
You see, I gave up males who judged me solely on appearance in eighth grade. After a rough seventh-grade year.
And yet, gaggles of them still seem to roam free on BeautifulPeople.com.