You’re so vain

I want to make one thing perfectly clear, people.

I am one of you. Only of a certain select subset. I am one of the Beautiful People.

Young woman looks at herself in the mirror and pout her mouthI know this with certainty because I was voted into this exclusive subset months ago.

What? You’ve not been?

Aw. Shame.

Of course I jest, people. Not about the voting but the attitude.

Here’s the back story.

When I was participating in that wonderful online mosh pit we like to call online dating, I was made aware of a site that only accepted “Beautiful People.” Their tagline is: “Online dating for beautiful people only.”

I’m not kidding.

And, being who I am, I had to find out what this was all about because I (a) found the concept a bit heinous and (b) wanted to share my thoughts with all of you.

So, I submitted several photos to the site and then—guess what? I got to watch the voting on my physical attractiveness for a good 24-48 hours. The categories were something like “Hot Stuff”, “Meh,” and “Woof Woof.” I may be taking a few liberties here with my memory but you get the idea.

I watched, real-time, as those already in the Beautiful People club voted on my worthiness to join their lush-locked, bee-stung lipped, toned and tanned ranks.

Oy.

Let’s hearken back to seventh grade.

Bespectacled, with freshly feathered hair, best Jordache jeans on, Goody comb in my back pocket, I waited during the Snowball skate at the local roller rink for one of the Beautiful Boys in my class to ask me to skate. the mirror

It was torture.

My chances were slim but there I stood because the only thing worse than standing with your friends and not being asked to skate was standing at the snack bar stuffing your face during the Snowball. Hiding out in the restroom was another option but it was surprisingly crowded during the Snowball.

Go figure.

And I had learned, by seventh grade, that standing tall and taking your lumps at least built character. Hiding out in the bathroom just made you a weenie.

I thought my seventh-grade days were over.

Until BeautifulPeople.com came along.

The outcome was different. In seventh grade, I am not sure I ever got asked to skate. Perhaps once. But on BeautifulPeople.com, I was in. Like buttah. By a healthy margin.

Go figure.

If I were the type to judge my worthiness by physical attributes, I would have never survived junior high. And I’d be on a seesaw daily now, depending on if I’d showered and put some effort in or was running around sans makeup running errands.

Funny. Had I shown the Beautiful People pics of both sides of me, I think the results would have been very different. And yet, I am the same person regardless of the façade.

I never did the other things required of me to actually troll the Beautiful People site or respond to the men who “blinked” at me. Still not sure why they choose “blink” as a way someone shows you attention. I mean, as fetching as all of us Beautiful People are, how could you not just stare, unblinking, for hours? Wouldn’t that be more of a compliment? Their marketing and operations people really need to get on that.

The point is, I was not interested.

You see, I gave up males who judged me solely on appearance in eighth grade. After a rough seventh-grade year.

And yet, gaggles of them still seem to roam free on BeautifulPeople.com.

Go figure.

 

 

 

Advertisements

24 Comments Add yours

  1. You should start a separate section on online dating. You can write a lot on them.

    I wonder what did you do after the seventh grade, wait to be asked or just skated on your own?

    1. candidkay says:

      As any smart woman would, I skated just for the fun of it. And funny, that’s usually when the boys come calling:).

  2. Aunt Beulah says:

    So funny and entertaining, Kay. Aren’t we glad that junior high ended, and that we survived and eventually found people who thought us attractive for all the right reasons — including our appearance.

  3. I had no idea a website like that existed. Super interesting. Loved your insights!

  4. heyjude6119 says:

    Wow. Just wow. I can’t hardly believe there are people that would participate in a dating website so shallow. But then, there are the Kardashian fans. So glad you didn’t join. I’d have to unfollow you. 😉

  5. Wow! I never realized there is a dating site for little boys (and girls, I suppose) who never grew up. But then again, why not exploit that market too? Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

  6. Must be terribly hard for all those beautiful people to accessorise in such a way that they don’t overshadow their shining beauty. Give me an ugly duckling instead of a swan any day!

    1. candidkay says:

      I’m waiting for the companion sites–Smart People, Efficient People, Type A People, etc. So many ways this could go, sadly:).

  7. Dale says:

    That these sites exist is one thing, that scads of people sign up for this high-school-type punishment is another. Egads… Now I have to admit there’s a little part of me that wants to see if I’d make the cut! 😛

  8. markbialczak says:

    Not wanting to join the club that let you in, Kay, that’s what makes you beautiful! I would have been the kid that wanted to ask you to skate in the seventh grade, but was too shy. Just saying.

    1. candidkay says:

      Aw, thank you, Mark:).

  9. I’m full of admiration for your bravery in watching the beautiful people voting for you 🙂 But seriously, surely only the shallowest people would sign up to a site like that.

  10. Anne says:

    I guess 7th grade is where I built a lot of character! Yes, the song would end & I would still be standing on the side waiting. Never did get asked to skate & ohhhh the awkward sunken feeling that I hope never to feel again. Now I realize just how much those boys missed out on by not picking me. Their loss.

    1. candidkay says:

      I agree, Anne! Their loss:).

  11. Amy says:

    Who comes up with these websites?? Another spot on post, my beautiful friend, champion of truth and light! xo

  12. Feathered hair and Goody combs LOL. I can’t believe these sites really exist…and people are on them being serious.

  13. justme3362 says:

    Love this, especially your reference to your best Jordaches. How I miss those, even if I don’t miss getting my character built throughout all of 7th grade.

    1. candidkay says:

      Ah, yes. I kissed that kind of character building goodbye awhile ago. Ouch.

      1. Dale says:

        Did you have to zip up your Jordaches, by lying on your bed (or floor) and using a fork in the zipper whole to zip them up?

      2. candidkay says:

        Thank goodness, no! I was a tiny beanpole back then:). That sounds like torture!

      3. Dale says:

        It always amazed me to watch my friends willing to squeeze inti the tightest jeans possible. I was a beanpole too…

  14. Judy says:

    Thanks for the laugh. I don’t think there’s much that’s more beautiful than helping others laugh, especially at a painful topic for so many.

  15. You’re beautiful on the inside, Kay. That’s where it counts. xo

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Drop me a line.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s