Voluminous white dress? Check.
Matching satin shoes? Righto.
A gaggle of out-of-town family members, copious food and drink, and the right tunes? Yessiree.
We almost got the recipe right for the “perfect” wedding.
Except I found myself on said perfect wedding night, round about midnight, standing in a hotel hallway, alone. With my aunt and sister yelling back and forth about why I was standing alone for all to see outside the honeymoon suite door.
So you see why I slide that “almost” perfect in, right?
Perhaps a few omens, some signposts from the Universe, came my way during my wedding week that should have made me stop and think.
Possibly contracting the worst bout of stomach flu I’ve ever had in my life the week before the wedding, rendering me bedridden for a full seven days.
But nah. I breezed on by that little “Yoo hoo” from the Great Unknown.
The bee that was crawling up my veil as I was saying my vows could have been another missive from the Universe. It did not sting me, however, as the best man flicked it off just in time.
I moved on, unaware.
One of my bridesmaids leaving immediately following the ceremony instead of staying for the reception because she had gotten into a disagreement with another bridesmaid could also have been interpreted as a “Trouble Ahead” sign.
But I walked out of that church with a smile on my face to happy bubbles flying through the air as guests celebrated our union.
There were other signs. The care packages and petit fours I had ordered for all guests’ rooms mysteriously disappeared and were never delivered, I could not eat a bite of our wedding dinner or cake due to nausea, and the photographer shot color, posed photos instead of the black-and-white candids I had requested.
But you get the picture.
Back to midnight, outside my room. Our hotel was constructed on the atrium model, with all room doors facing the inner atrium on all floors. So, one could easily look up or down, across the atrium, and see people entering or leaving.
My husband and I had finally, after a very long day, arrived at the door to our room. He picked me up to carry me over the threshold, inserted the electronic card key into the slot, and—nothing happened. The key was not programmed for the room. As he held me in his arms, trying not to drop me and jiggling the card furiously, I had to laugh. I mean, really. The Universe has such a sense of humor.
“Wait here,” he said, unnecessarily, as I was not about to traipse through the halls in a large white dress, greeting passersby, offering them cake and a waltz with the bride.
There I stood, awaiting his return, when I heard my name called out from above.
“Kris. Kristine. Is that you?” my Aunt Penny asked.
As if there were multiple women in white dresses at this hotel that night, standing in hallways?
“Yes, Aunt Penny, it’s me.”
“Well, what did he do? Did he just LEAVE you there? All by yourself? Outside the door?”
“Um—“
“Hey, Kris, why are you standing in the hallway?” came a voice one floor below Aunt Penny. My sister was joining the act.
“Exactly, honey. That’s what I just asked her,” Aunt Penny replied. “Can you believe he would just leave her ALONE in a hallway? That’s shameful. Shame on him.”
Other guests, arriving home from their evening, were starting to peer down at me and point.
“Did you guys have an argument? You seemed fine when you left,” my sister asked.
“Well, this is NOT how any gentleman I know handles an argument.” Aunt Penny again.
Really, they could have gone on all night. I didn’t even have to speak. Luckily, the groom showed up with a new key at that moment. I waved to them and was, finally, whisked over the threshold.
Upon which the phone began ringing. Yet another sister was calling from the club where we held our reception. The best man had forgotten to give the club final payment for the evening. Club management was very politely holding my parents for ransom, not allowing them to leave until said check made it into management’s hands.
After a flurry of phone calls, my husband tracked down the best man and a hand-off occurred. We were finally left alone and my poor parents were allowed to go to bed. We were not, however. Because the phone rang again (at about 1:30 a.m.). Yet another sister told us her husband was transferring our luggage from car to car and could he please stop by to pick up the car key?
As I exited our room the next morning to head down to the lobby for breakfast, I smiled broadly at the rose petals strewn outside the door. How romantic. Now THIS was how it was supposed to be.
And then a voice from above, my mother. “So I’m hearing you were alone in the hallway last night. Why would he leave you alone? I mean, REALLY. What was he thinking?”
I sighed. And turned around to go back into my room. My plan for breakfast in bed would have been perfectly executed, too, if not for one thing.
The key card did not work.
Man, Universe, you don’t give up.
candidkay 
Love this Kristine, but mainly because you can re-tell it and appreciate the black humour.
Oh, appreciate and then some:). Thank you for your kind words on the swimming piece also. Much appreciated!
Could’ve been worse. You guys coulda gone up to the front – during the ceremony – to light the candles…which were not there. Bc the groom forgot.
CONGRATS!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!~ *Busts out bubblies*
Fortunately, it’s not the wedding but the marriage that matters.
SO happy for you, K!! HAPPY new year!!
Something tells me you have some personal experience here:). Lol. Happy New Year!
I have been married 3 x, embarrassing to say. But all three occasions on their days went perfectly. Without a hitch! No signs except weeks before when parents or friends may have spoken as a last effort to say I may need more time to grow up or think. Kristine, hope all things turned out the way you hoped for, even if not this time. . . I will need to come back and find out! 🙂
I’m not sure anyone but us can do our learning:). The wisest words fall on deaf ears if we’re not ready to hear them.
Like others have said, I also LOVE this post….it is truly amazing that the Universe seems to know what is best for us…even when we don’t…
Yes, very humorous. Could be a movie, or a funny beginning to one. Nice reflective sense of humor.
Hopefully we can all laugh at the universe in these situations!
It sure beats the alternative!
I don’t mean that it should happen but who of us can laugh at the defunct key on possibly The Night. No one would, you laughed. And this post, about all the things that went wrong, you made me laugh on it. Nice one kay
I think my ability to laugh has saved me from many an abyss:).
Laugh does that for everyone….too much of this though pushes us into oblivion….Why am I telling you this, you obviously know way more about life than me
Don’t sell yourself short! I have a few more years on me than you do :-).
Hmmm, I think I shall forgo the celebrations and festivities. If I do get married, the idea of registering the marriage in the Registrar Office sounds more appealing. However, I’m Asian and in our culture, celebrations and festivities (not to mention thousands of moolah down the drain!) are to be expected 😦
Wow that was a catalogue of omens, but sometimes it’s just as well we don’t heed them or we wouldn’t experience the good parts that came out of a particular part of our lives.
You are so right:. Like my children!
Exactly 🙂
This was too real and you are too funny. Ah, the signs.
What a week that must have been!
Your mini family conference in the middle of that hotel atrium sounds like a scene from a movie, with your dear Aunt Penny and your sister harmonizing their displeasure from above and below! As I read this post, I alternated between chuckles and cringes. In your defense, sweet friend, I think every wedding flirts with disaster. But I must admit, you had some serious signage!!
I felt a bit as if I was in a romcom:). If only!
I know EXACTLY what you mean 🙂
Kay, you write with a signature wit and wisdom. Love this backward glance.
Thank you:). Hope it made you smile tonight.
Now you’ve got me thinking about my wedding … Third World country. Power went off, knocking out the music. The marriage officer, who had been paid handsomely in advance, kept coming up with “additional charges.” At one point I was summoned to the door by the man who drove the marriage officer to the site. He had this urgent message for me: “The driver (speaking of himself) needs to get drunk.” I thought: “Yeah, well, get in line.” During the ceremony, my husband-to-be dropped the ring — yes, of course, at the most critical moment — and it rolled and rolled and rolled. Everyone seemed frozen. It kept rolling. No one moved. I can still envision the scene, like a slow-motion replay of continuing absurdity. Rolling and rolling and rolling. Said ring was purchased in said Third World country. It fell apart — again with the absurdity on continuous loop — several times over the years and eventually was replaced. Marriage still rolling and rolling and rolling … (I’m knocking on wood.)
The driver (speaking of himself) needs to get drunk.” I thought: “Yeah, well, get in line.” I am howling:). Beautifully put and I can picture the scene, rolling ring and all. Thank you for the first good laugh I’ve had today!
That was an entertaining read. To bad it’s non-fiction. 🙂
The week before my wedding I too was sick. On our honeymoon I had a gallbladder attack and we ended up taking my new husband to the ER with whatever I had the week before the wedding.
And for about five years after we married every trip we took was a disaster. Finally our trips started leveling out and not a mess.
We will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. It hasn’t been easy but I don’t think marriage ever is.
Oh my goodness! I think that gives a whole new meaning to the word “staycation.” As in paradise, as compared to travel for you two:). Congrats on 23 years! That is truly an accomplishment.
Loved!!!
Thank you! Both for the kind comment and stopping by my blog:). Glad to have you here.
Very entertaining post Kay, I could picture every moment. Apparently, when the bee pays us a visit, we may need to self-evaluate. I guess that would have been good to know at the time ha! As for the stomach flu, I got that on our honeymoon, very romantic indeed….Still married after 27 yrs somehow?. 🙂
A true testament to your love and staying power if still married 27 years after a honeymoon that started like that :-). Congratulations!
Ha thanks Kay and I must give him credit for sticking to the vows “In sickness and in health”!! Sooner than he thought..
Our wedding didn’t go all that smoothly. The organist played the wrong wedding march, for one thing. My nephew’s limo was totaled by a deer before the wedding, and a bird crapped on the front of his tux right before the photo shoot. Nature appeared to be conspiring against him. He and I are still married, however. My brother’s first wedding was flawless, but the marriage ended in a slo-mo train wreck disaster…Sometimes the universe is sending signs, and sometimes it’s just messing with you. I don’t think we can figure out which it is until it’s too late.
Wow! That’s quite a story. Mother Nature was having some fun there. At least I can usually appreciate the Universe’s sense of humor. That’s really the only way to go, right?:)
This made me laugh. We see our history with 20/20 vision. At the time we are blinded by love.
I’m glad you laughed! I did too, while writing it:).
Oh you poor darling Kay. Even I would have started to wonder at that point 🙂
You didn’t have any black cats cross your path did you? (my apologies to cat lovers far and wide, but you know what I mean 🙂 ).
Or maybe you were in fact being saved from a more horrible fate…you could have been locked IN…imagine having to do your wedding night for days on end, stuck in there with him and no one being able to stop you…um, I mean get you out 😀
No black cats, amazingly:). Although I may have been too ill to notice!
Yup been there. Not in a hotel hallway but thinking that the universe was telling me something. The entire week before the wedding it rained. Hard. Our receptions was on a boat and apparently that was now a huge mistake. Even though it wasn’t my idea. At our photo session the day before the wedding I fainted. The night before the wedding I developed a nasty cold so the day of the wedding I was heavily medicated. My walk down the isle was a bit foggy. My ex got so drunk at the reception theat we didn’t even consummate our marriage that night. Sometimes we just don’t get it.
Wow! You have me beaten by a long shot:). I hope you didn’t have the heavily medicated walk videotaped:). Something to watch with popcorn decades later.