Go ahead. Burn a dinner.

“Man, those days are long gone for me.”

So said a friend as I finished telling her of a recent date. As she said it, her mouth tightened and she let out a sigh. “Sad, isn’t it?”

Yes, honey. It is.

Why is it that women give up the notion of romance at a certain age? Or maybe it’s just a certain number of years into a relationship.

I remember a first kiss on a Chicago rooftop, as the inaugural snow of the season fell around us in large white, fluffy flakes. And I remember thinking, “I will remember this moment decades from now because it is perfect in a way so few moments are.”

I remember champagne, sitting on the back of a convertible, watching the sun rise over the beach on a summer morning. I remember sitting on the sand a few miles north of that same spot, a fellow adventurer’s head in my lap after a long day of fun, watching the sun set and proclaiming our complete infatuation with each other. I felt drunk with happiness.

I remember 48 roses on my 48th birthday, with a card for each day of my birthday week. I remember thinking that even after a tough divorce and many lonely moons, I felt like I was 16 again. It was sweet relief after a long drought.

I remember dancing in the arms of a strong but gentle man in my kitchen, Etta James crooning, as the candle wax dripped gently onto my island and I could have cared less. I remember cooking in that same kitchen and feeling that same man’s lips on the sweet spot between my neck and my shoulder. Neither of us cared that the dish burned.

I remember a picnic on a farm, with bubbly and shared plates, in which a sweet man moved the picnic blanket—with nary a complaint–more than once for me because we had to find just the “right” spot. And told me he’d move it a million more times, if I asked.

If you saw me walking the dog, ferrying my kids to and from school, grocery shopping—none of these experiences would jump out at you. I bet you would not guess they occurred. It is the same for most of us.

But women, especially, as we age and take on more responsibility—as we deal with taxes, grocery lists, lost lacrosse shoes, homework battles, shaving, waxing, cooking, cleaning, promotions, stretch projects, yoga, shaving, waxing, aerobics, broken closet shelves, car maintenance—did I mention shaving and waxing? Women tend to focus on what is in front of them. Perhaps our aspirational side takes a break.

Perhaps it’s hard to feel feminine, footloose, worthy of wooing, when we’re bogged down by Responsibility and The Gravitas of Being An Adult.

But it should not take a divorce and the advent of dating all over again to bring us romance. The men in our lives should be wise enough to see a little romance goes a long way.

That light in our eyes? The spring in our step? It’s there, just waiting to be kindled.

So, to my sweet sighing friend: I wish you a snowfall on a rooftop, sunrise and sunset as the waves lap to and fro, and candle wax on your kitchen island.

All very necessary parts of a full life, in my mind. No matter your age.


41 Comments Add yours

  1. Aunt Beulah says:

    How lovely your moments are and how cherished are my memories of similar romantic moments. Though I still experience them with my second husband of twenty years, they are more rare than when younger and both of us were completely, thoughtlessly healthy; but they are even sweeter. You are right. The romance needn’t, and shouldn’t, die.

    1. candidkay says:

      Right?! And perhaps it’s sweeter with age and wisdom. Sounds like yours are😉

  2. midlifetales says:

    Very nicely written!

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by my blog:).

  3. leggypeggy says:

    Wonderful memories.

    1. candidkay says:

      They are:). Strung together, a happy story.

  4. mollyb111 says:

    Thank you for all of these reminders 🙂 ❤

    1. candidkay says:

      I can smell the candles burning already:).

  5. I agree that woman of a certain age feel romance dies as we get older. It sometimes feels like it is a phase, like being a teenager, menopause, etc…Hopefully a clueless man reads this post and sees that a little romance can go a long way.
    Great post!

    1. candidkay says:

      A phase is certainly preferable to the status quo!

  6. Too many women believe what they’re told. I think we’re our own worst enemy when it comes to esteem. Like much of life, its all about confidence. Men (and people in general) are drawn to someone who likes themselves. Unfortunately, they’re not drawn to people who project a sad, defeated air. Its nothing to do with age, but self-love.

  7. A great reminder to seize the moments you get. Lately I have been bogged down and I keep saying to myself “make some time for him”. Maybe this week…..

    1. candidkay says:

      Wishing you a bit of candle wax:)

  8. James Simon says:

    “Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.” – Buddha

    1. candidkay says:

      I agree! Great quote:).

  9. Amy says:

    Romance is everywhere, and it flutters around you like butterflies. Why? Because your heart is open, like a rose in summer. 🌸🌸🌸

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, you truly should write poetry:). Trying to keep it open!

  10. I love the imagery in this post. Romance goes a long way!

  11. Aunt Beulah says:

    This is a wonderful reminder of the perfect moments we experience and treasure and, with luck, promote in our lives even as we age. Fortunately, after my divorce, I found and married a man who is capable of bring romance into unexpected moments — unless he’s thinking about golf.

    1. candidkay says:

      I was smiling as I read what you wrote :-). And then I got to the end and burst out laughing. I love it.

  12. Beautiful memories Kristine, wonderfully described. It’s a good wish to bestow on anyone.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you! It is, right?:)

  13. heyjude6119 says:

    Everyone needs some romance in their lives.

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh so true! A lifelong bit:).

  14. What a kind wish. 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      And a hearfelt one:). Makes me sad when people give up on the romance . . .

      1. It is sad. We really never know what Life has in store for us.

  15. Beautiful reminder to rekindle the feminine, the fun, the moment. Thanks Kristine 💚💗

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you for reading! Here’s to the she:)

  16. Archita says:

    Beautiful, Kristine. “Perhaps it’s hard to feel feminine, footloose, worthy of wooing, when we’re bogged down by Responsibility and The Gravitas of Being An Adult.”- True!

    1. candidkay says:

      Don’t we know it!

  17. Oh Kristine! The yearning in our hearts to be loved and held by another overrides all else in life. Those feelings of smiling from within, floating in all that we do, and nary a care in the world 🙂
    But some idiot invented waxing, shaving and 40 billion other things to bring us down to earth, to this world of ‘can I or can’t I’ in everything we do.You know where this is going, don’t you? 🙂
    Those lovely ‘other halves’ of us are still there….but we are not attracting them…very simply because we aren’t in the right space within ourselves. Those multitudes of years of ‘I have to’, that we have taken on as our burden is the only thing that is holding us back. Those very things that we feel that we ‘have’ to do is what holds us in those patterns. And we attract on that very level, that ‘special’ someone will have the exact right ‘thing’ to make us look at ourselves.
    Do you want those walls removed…then do things for you…not because you ‘have to’, but because you ‘want to’. Not much distinction you might think, but it is universes apart.
    The moment you understand and release those things you are afraid of, the universe with great love see’s your shift, and you will begin to attract on a whole new level….but you must ‘see’ those fears that are holding you back. They are so ingrained from a lifetime of ‘waxing’, that it becomes second nature and you probably don’t even realise your doing them.
    Get a friend, and I mean a real one who will tell you your TRUTH. What actions they see in you that you avoid, dodge, and even run away from, someone you can honestly open to and speak your hearts truth. It is within that, that you will find that part of you that is always ‘on guard’ when a lifetime of experiences holds you in its mold.
    When understood, it will release you from a lifetime of bondage, and the freedom will be like nothing else…quite simply because it is the act of loving yourself to go looking, and freeing yourself to a new life, one where you WILL be smiling within, floating like a butterfly, and just plain happy. And not another soul in sight.
    But then, something strange begins to happen…you will then attract from that place of ‘self love’, and you will attract someone in exactly the same place, with no ‘waxing and shaving’ of this world attached. And that is a very beautiful place. You will both then be able to ‘connect’ without those millions of expectations attached, quite simply because you have now removed them. Understanding what drives our fears removes all those bits that ‘hold us’ in our pain. those fears lose their power, and you are free.
    Do you love yourself enough to take that step within? You have much wisdom young lady, from a lifetime of pathways that have slowly brought you to this point to look within, and finally understand a heart that has been waiting to be embraced….by you 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, this is so good I’m not sure any response could do it justice:). Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mark! Well said, as always!

      1. And remember, that ‘glow’ is still there, just waiting for us to remove what is blocking it.
        I know…I touched another’s energy only a few weeks ago, and because I’m in a much clearer space, it shocked me because of its intensity.
        No, not the normal connection that we feel, like that teenage, madly in love intensity, but a more loving, unconditional connection, so much more beautiful because of those walls of fear that are no longer there.
        I was even amazed at the energy that was within it….I really cannot compare it to anything, simply because I have never been in this space before. And as we progress through all of life’s adventures…we change…to slowly find that truth in our hearts.
        It is very similar to having a good friend. We meet them, but it takes time to develop into that closeness to where we are so close as to be joined at the hip.
        Well, we need time to get to know us, and we are even closer to that inner self than a friend. We will stumble, wobble and have spats (hey, how many times have we argued with ourselves 🙂 ), but like all good friends, we are there through thick and thin. And slowly we really do connect within like nothing else, and in that acceptance is a beauty beyond anything I could explain….trust me, I now walk around smiling and people ask what am I up to 😀 , but it is just an acceptance of me, a re-connection like no other.
        Get yourself dressed up, take yourself out to dinner somewhere with a nice view, buy yourself a flower and put it into your hair…and go enjoy yourself…by yourself. You will be surprised in how it makes you feel, many people struggle to do it. But do it! Don’t look for any guy, just do it for you…and enjoy it for what it is. Then a true friendship will begin to blossom like no other 🙂

      2. candidkay says:

        I agree on the treating yourself :-). I’m actually quite independent and good at not feeling like I need a man to treat myself while. Which I guess makes me one of the lucky ones :-).

      3. Then enjoy Kristine, you are so worth it 🙂

  18. Ah, K. Beautiful.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you:). You know those posts that come out of nowhere? This is such a one:).

      1. Yup, I’ve had a few of those!

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