So not like a boss

Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is darkness, light. (Photo credit: kern.justin)

I often joke with my sons about things we do: “Owned that treadmill today, boys. Like a boss.” “Way to clean up your room—like a boss.”

For any of you unfamiliar with the phrase, it means you pegged it. Whatever you’ve just done, you took charge and made it happen.

All jesting aside, this week I am reminded that I am so NOT the boss.

My sister had to return to the operating room because her cancer had spread. Reminder numero uno that even though I was settling into a routine again after the death of both of my parents, feeling like things might be “safe” for a while, the universe has other plans. I can love her all I want and send all the positive energy I’ve got her way, but I’m not controlling the outcomes. Such a helpless feeling to know you can do nothing to change the end result except hope and pray. Maybe that should be enough, but for us “boss” types, it’s a challenge.

We can eat right, exercise and shovel all the flax seed possible into our politically correct organic green smoothies, but we can still fall seriously ill.

We can read all the books we want on parenting, relationships and communication—and still screw it up emotionally, despite our intellectual prowess in these areas.

We can try our best to model for our kids the behavior we’d like to see, but still be faulty humans who will fall short some days.

So what do you do when you can’t be the boss? Hope. Pray. Do all you can do. And then give it up to God. Whatever God means to you.

It was not until I was on my knees during my divorce, realizing that the only thing I could control was my reaction to events, rather than the events themselves, that I found peace. Peace amid the muck.

So here I am again, on my knees. Trying to do all the right things. Facing so clearly my human faults, foibles and limitations. Realizing the divine is in charge. And I am to sit. Wait. And listen.

So not like a boss. But maybe that’s the point of this lesson.


19 Comments Add yours

  1. says:

    God, family & friends gets me through. It amazes me when I start to hit bottom how I can be picked up by a seemingly innocuous act. It amamzes me that God knows when I need a little break & so when I pray for gas it finally happens. I never thought I would pray for something like that LOL but the results of easing pain & increasing movement are right from heaven.

    1. candidkay says:

      Love you, Anne.

      1. Anne says:

        thanks for the love, I am soooo embarassed – i thought the above email was to just you not the world!

  2. Anne says:

    It is easier when we let the real “boss” take control. My heart & prayers go out to the grandmother & the 11 yr old boy. I cannot imagine having to go through that with a child. It somehow seems worse that with an older person though their life is no less valuable. Yes we can be boss of our reactions to what is out of our control.

  3. Cindy dadik says:

    Praying for you & your sister, my friend.

  4. mashrogers says:

    I think you are surrendering… a boss. I wish you and your sister healing, no matter what the outcome of this chapter. My prayers are with you.

    1. candidkay says:

      I had not thought about it that way. Thank you for the new perspective.

  5. I am sorry to hear about your sister and I hope she will get better soon. It really is hard when we don’t have control over the events of our lives or our loved ones. But it seems such a natural thing for a lot of us to want to be the “Boss” of everything. We are however, the “Boss” of our reactions! How we react to situations will define how we cope with it. I am glad you have taken on such a brave reaction to your sister’s situation. You give us the courage to do the same for our own lives. Stay strong…I pray that things turn out well for your sister.

  6. I am very sorry to hear about your sister. And I definitely understand about sitting and waiting. At this moment I am doing a lot of sitting, while I wait for my broken foot and recently repaired tendon to heal. Sending courage and patience.

  7. words4jp says:

    Your sister is in my prayers and thoughts. And, of course you and your family.

  8. I love your post. I understand to some degree what you are going through. My step father has three different types of cancer. He has chosen not to take any treatment or medication, because previous treatments have been unsuccessful. Its hard watching him hurt knowing that there is nothing that i can do for him. My mother and i had a hard time learning that we have to enjoy him while he is here and make him as comfortable and feel as loved as possible. I hope your sister is able to pull through it and that things turn around for her. Got has a plan for everyone and sometimes all we can do is pray and hope that he has not decided to take them yet. Enjoy every second you have with your sister and try to stay as positive as possible, its hard, but its good to get it off of their minds.

    I wish you and your sister the best.

    1. candidkay says:

      You are so right to stay in the moment. It’s what we’ve got. Thank you for your kind words.

  9. I completely understand what your going through. I have a grandson who will be turning 11 this month. He has complete intestinal failure and is on Hospice care. The chronic sorrow one experiences is so difficult and profound. It is a mix of gratitude for each minute that we have together and profound grief for the condition that is robbing him of normal life as an 11 year old. My heart breaks each day. The one thing that I am sure of is that we need each others’ support and prayers. I will include prayers for your family in my days. Please pray for Wyatt as well.
    With much respect, hope, joy, and love. Carmela

    1. candidkay says:

      We will absolutely include Wyatt in our prayers. Doesn’t seem fair to have to go through all of that at the age of 11 . . .

  10. jennyflem says:

    How is your sister? How are you? Thank you for this honest and amazing post.

    1. candidkay says:

      We are steel magnolias. Especially her. Hanging in there. Thank you for the kind words on the post.

  11. Faith says:

    At a loss for words. Too much going on everywhere.

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