En garde

The cavalry is not coming.Rievocazione storica

At some level, you know this. I know this. We all do.

But when overwhelmed by a situation that is chronic, tiresome, emotionally exhausting, we look for rescue.

Please, anyone but me, we beg.

We wish for someone else to take over. Take the hit. Fight the good fight. Bring home the bacon. Face the mess. You fill in the blank.

I’ve seen it and lived it.

The career woman who burns out and wants to be financially supported so she can stop going to the job she hates, doing soul-sucking work. Who marries the first feasible financial wizard to come along. Only the financial wizard turns out to have money woes. And she lives the rest of her life miserable because of them.

The forty-something who marries in desperation because she fears she never will. She meets not Mr. Right but Mr. I Can Take Care of You–devil-may-care, wealthy and eligible. She marries before she ages any further and spends the rest of her life spending his money to maintain the look he married. He is rarely home and rarely listens. Travels a lot. But she—well, she is “rescued.” Unless he decides he wants a younger model.

The widowed father who marries too quickly so his children have a mother.

The married woman who does not leave her miserable union because she will not be able to support herself in the style to which she has become accustomed.


None of these scenarios is fictional. I have seen them all play out. The ringside seat is sometimes uncomfortable.

Many times– I’d venture to say most of the time–our rescuer turns out to be our jailor.

At least, it appears that way. We did this to ourselves, though. We know that, deep down.

No one else solves our problems for us. They may appear to be a temporary fix but whatever brought those problems to our doorstep does not just go away. It reappears again and again, until we pick up our sword and fight. Until we hack our way through whatever internal mess—emotional or otherwise—led us to this unwise and scary place.

So, to those of you who have stored your sword in the closet—maybe a little spring cleaning is in order.

There is no cavalry in the world who can face the battle meant for you and you alone. Only you can do that.

En garde.








22 Comments Add yours

  1. In the end, we’re the only cavalry we’ve got.

  2. Roy McCarthy says:

    So true, and on a wider level than relationships. The world will not come to your doorstep because you wish it and feel sorry for yourself.

    On relationships I am still ambivalent about mixed gender marriage – not because I don’t wish for equality but because I see how imperfect and unsatisfactory the institution of marriage is to begin with. Whatever it is it solves no issues and creates new ones. (I’ll get back to you when I think of an alternative 🙂 )

  3. But it is so easy to forget the worries and just let others handle them
    great post

  4. I fought my own battles but I have to say that having a “white knight” by my side did help. I met my husband a year after leaving my ex and he has been in my corner for everything since that day. Another great post.

    1. candidkay says:

      When you know you can fight your own battles, nothing wrong with reinforcements:). Good for you!

  5. Amy says:

    Another pointed, powerful essay, my friend… words of wisdom and strength, words to live by. Thank you for sharing them here. And just so you know, I’ll be first in line to receive my very own, autographed copy of your book!! xoxo

    1. candidkay says:

      Does that mean you won’t be at the signing party?! I hope you will:). Or maybe we’ll just have our own lunch and browse the bookstore excursion:).

      1. Amy says:

        This means I’ll be First in Line at the signing party!! Lunch, or dinner, and bookstore browsing, too, if you please! Love that this is a when and not an if. 🙂

  6. cristi says:

    Are you a person with a problem OR a problem solver? You must fight the good fight, solve the problem, fight on to live another day! Thanks for this 🙂

  7. Letizia says:

    What a strong piece of writing. Getting the sword out now; never know when one will need it.

  8. Kat says:

    Well said!

  9. Touché! Well spoken. I spent too many nights when I was a young girl falling asleep with the fantasy of a knight riding in on a white horse to rescue me. It wasn’t until just this past few years that I truly understood why, and was able to (through hypnotherapy) actually go back in time and rescue myself. It was some amazing healing.

    I think that in our society, and our age, we as girls were socialized to be the subservient wife, and to inherently not be worthy unless we are… fill in the blank with ideals that no one measures up to. It all starts with us, and I believe it starts with our loving and honoring ourselves.

  10. Another great post Kay, hope you find the agent you need to get your work published in book form, whatever you write about will be worth reading.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks! The agent bit is chemistry. I know you know that!

  11. Well written Kay. I am so impressed that I’ve written a little post to go with it and I hope you don’t mind I’ve linked to this 🙂
    Are you sure your not going into writing? I think a book on the journey like you have been through would very much attract the many who have been through this time in their lives. I think there may be one or two and they may relate to it immensely 😀 Mark

    1. candidkay says:

      You are so very sweet to link to my post and for the book comment, Mark. I do have a draft, but it still needs work–and a fairy godmother of an agent:). Wish me luck and the time to squeeze this in amongst the flotsam and jetsam!

      1. You’ll attract exactly what you need Kay. And flotsam and jetsam have some very interesting things amongst them….you may be surprised. Request for Fairy Godmother’ish Agent put out there…but beware, he may have great pec’s and a smile to kill for 😀 You never know what the universe has in mind for you…what have you been attracting? 😀

  12. Dani says:

    “There is no cavalry in the world who can face the battle meant for you and you alone. Only you can do that.”

    So true.

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