Mistakes will be made

I have recently discovered texting via the mic on my mobile phone.

Yeah. Snickers aside, please. I know it’s 2015.

It is a true time saver but the mic has a mind of its own. Some of the things it thinks I say are a little off base. And off color.

MisunderstandingTake this morning, for instance. I was texting my friend Beth, trying to tell her I wholeheartedly agreed with her text message to me. I spoke into the mic with an enthusiastic, “I agree” and then tried to spit out “exclamation point” so Siri would place the right punctuation for emphasis. I may have stumbled a bit on the world “exclamation.”

Siri has an attitude. In case you had not noticed. I often call her a dumb blonde and I think she takes it personally.

So, instead of “I agree!” what appeared was “I agree Excrement.”

Which is not a term of endearment and something I’m sure my friend Beth has never been called.

But, given my new zen-like outlook on life, I just laughed and moved on. Mistakes will be made. Oh, and I caught it before I pushed “send.” Which helped keep me zen-like.

Quite a few of you have asked, over the past several weeks, about my foray into online dating. Rather than make a big deal of an update, I thought I’d slip it into this post that is seemingly about making mistakes.

How apropos.

Because mistakes will be made. Have been made.

Here’s the headline: I’m dating someone. Yes, exclusively.

One step at a time, people. Don’t get ahead of me. Or I’ll freak.

I am happy. He is thoughtful, kind, handsome—all good things.

Leading up to this man was a string of mishaps and near misses.

The genuine, nice widower who had lost his wife and son in a car accident many years ago. But he and I having a drink could have been a business meeting. No sparks.

The man who stood me up because he could not keep track of our date versus when he had his kids for the weekend.

The nice guy with young kids whose weekends with them were in direct opposition to mine with my kids. And our jobs made weeknights a bit tough. It’s hard to figure out if you’re made for each other when scheduling a Wednesday night coffee is akin to logistics for the World Economic Summit.

The man who seemed so great—until I realized he was in financial trading, like my ex. He may have been a great guy, but I balked. Call it a mild form of PTSD but I worried about the lifestyle that would come with his profession. I need solid. Dependable. With an edge. I knew the edge came with trading but solid and dependable are sometimes iffy. It’s hard to find that mix.

Using a pencil to erase a mistake on a sheet of white paper.
Using a pencil to erase a mistake on a sheet of white paper.

The salesman who had some unresolved anger issues with females, namely his ex. Who thought he wanted a woman who could hold her own but really wanted a cheerleader whose career could play second fiddle to his. That wasn’t part of my vision—particularly when his career was shaky. I want a true partner. Best me in some arenas. Defer to me in others. That’s life and a modern relationship.

And don’t forget our Greek friend who shared tomato parables. If you missed that story, you can read it here. A male friend texted me during the date and asked if my date was cause for Run Like Hell to the Bathroom and Make a Quick Exit. He was.

There were men I did not meet. The younger ones who thought I did not look my age but were half of it. I’m no Mrs. Robinson. The 24-year-old with cancer who felt women his age could not hold their own in conversations about life. The 30-something whose age range was 20s and 30s but thought he and I would have a connection. These men surprised me. I guess I think of myself as so far beyond that stage of life that men who don’t see an age difference catch me off guard. The nice bit for me was that these men felt I was beautiful. In a world where middle-aged women sometimes become invisible, that was a nice compliment.

And the crazies, of course. Or the offbeat. The man whose sole first communication to me via email was, “What flavor gelato did you last have and where?” I might have answered him if his communique had started with a “hello”, at least.

Here’s the beauty of these stories.

open fortune cookie with strip of white paper - YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES
open fortune cookie with strip of white paper – YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES

I spent Valentine’s Day afternoon with a sweet widower. I was disappointed in the lack of sparks but it was reassuring to know nice guys are out there.

I ordered myself a lovely glass of wine when stood up. And then met my cousin for a phenom steak dinner. And was ok. Truly. Not just pretending to be ok. Really ok. Wow. That’s progress, people.

I walked away early from the angry salesman. Really early. Despite the fact that he was handsome and charming. Score one for the mature me. There was no changing him, pity for a bad childhood, hope for an about-face. I saw who he was, accepted it and got out fast.

I am still far from perfect. Always will be. But more accepting of the mistakes and mishaps life offers up, after the past few hellish and wonderful years.

Mistakes will be made, yes. Many of them by me. Accepting this has helped me accept myself on more realistic terms. And will help me, I’m sure, as I navigate a new relationship that I just want to take one step at a time. Whether six months, six years or an eternity, I am finding joy as I go. Knowing the ultimate outcome will play out as it should.

You can text me if you agree with this wholeheartedly. Just be careful if any exclamation points are involved.

Mistakes are so easily made, after all.



30 Comments Add yours

  1. srbottch says:

    Nice. Enjoyed reading it while my dog relaxed next to me, after putting away the dishes so my wife could relax with some ‘Cats Meow’ pieces I just drove 20 miles so she could negotiate a Craig’s List deal. Yup, there are a few of us nice guys out here. Good luck with your search. Hope you don’t need the eraser!

    1. candidkay says:

      I love that you are so thoughtful with your wife! I am sure she realizes what a lucky woman she is and hopefully returns the favor.

  2. Roy McCarthy says:

    I’m all for the concept of online dating – the conventional method has too high a failure rate, and for many reasons that an experienced matchmaker could spot right at the outset. Best wishes Kristine and treat it as a happy adventure rather than a quest for the Holy Grail.

  3. Maya S says:

    Nice post, Kay! I’m a new reader and also a divorced mom. I met my wonderful boyfriend of two years through online dating, so I’m all for it. You just never know. Here’s my how-we-met post: http://covertcreatives.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-time-is-never-right.html

    1. candidkay says:

      Thank you for stopping by and for the kind words! Will have to check out your blog.

  4. Kay! Mistakes made and repeated many a times.
    Good for you and the nice guy. (At least somewhere the nice guy are ones being noticed :P)
    Good luck!

    1. candidkay says:

      The nice guys get noticed:). Rest assured. It just sometimes takes us a bit!

  5. susicx says:

    Reblogged this on susicx.

  6. Faith says:

    How did I miss this one?

  7. Sounds like after kissing lots of frogs, you may have found someone good. If he makes you laugh and not run for the exit, that’s half the battle.

  8. Gilbert says:

    Reblogged this on Anything Thinkable!.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks for the reblog!

  9. Hello. I have nominated you for a photo and writing challenge.
    You may or may not want to accept this challenge. Either way, I wanted to acknowledge your support for me.
    I also wanted to take the opportunity to say that I think your writing is inspirational and I think you are doing a fantastic job with your children.

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks so much! Send on the challenge:). Love jumping in to something new.

      1. “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge.”

  10. I have gone through and read So Many of your posts.
    I love every one of them.
    You inspire me and the way you word life issues (the divorce, dating, your ex, etc) is amazingly classy and hits home!
    A few touched me so deeply I wept.
    Just happy to know I am not alone in my crazy journey!
    As a single 44 yr old mom with a 4 yr old I know the challenges of dating! (I was previously married and divorced with no children then – dated a man who after we had dated months, finally “did the deed” he pulled out his bible, under his velvet Jesus photo and read how women should cleave unto their husbands… yes I ran!) I recently ended what seemed like a “promising” relationship. Unfortunately he hid a drinking problem for a while – suspicions but then he did those “oh wow this really happened and was witnessed by others” and I had to tell that beautiful psycho man good bye. Now I am taking time for me.
    And you give me Hope.
    Thank you!!!

    1. candidkay says:

      Such kind words–thank you! I think the nicest thing you can say to a writer is she has made you laugh, cry or think differently. Your stories make me cringe. Ouch. Taking time for you is so wise. And if I can get through the craziness to emerge the other side, I know anyone can. I’m wishing you some time alone to retrench and enjoy your own company. And then wishing you a wonderful man who has done the same for himself. Only because you want it–not because I think you need it:).

  11. lisafab says:

    As a 41 year old single woman, I love this post more than words can say….p.s. I’ve never texted through voice/mic…sometimes, I think I’m meant for the 1950s 🙂

    1. candidkay says:

      41 and single means that much more self aware. I think the universe tests us with what we don’t want wrapped in handsome (and not so handsome) packages to be sure we’re clear:).

  12. Glad you have found someone worth exploring more deeply. Cheers to discovery!

  13. amcory says:

    I re-entered the dating world in my mid thirties. What a strange path it was. I found that I learned something from each guy, even if that something was how to file a police report, or what to wear to an Ala-non meeting. It’s like buying hair products. Some don’t work at all, some work for a while, and some are just too costly. Take heart in that I finally met a really nice guy who has made a really nice husband for the past five years. I checked his references and looked in his medicine cabinets, made mental notes to ask subtle things like, “so…I don’t think I know anyone who has ever been on a sex offender registry, do you?” He was red flag free, and although he isn’t perfect, he’s a damn fine kisser and I love him with my head as well as my heart.

    So hang in there, and write about it all!

    1. candidkay says:

      Wow. I can do without the police report bit:). Thanks for making me laugh! We should have exchanged stories in the thick of my dating craziness. There were a few nights nothing but red wine, a hot bath and a friend’s sympathetic ear would do!

  14. Well done Kay. Finding that never-ageing beauty within is that final understanding of what love really means to you.
    You’ll still trip and stumble, and occasionally look up into the eyes of love looking back at you, but it is always in that journey within that you will find home 🙂
    Enjoy the journey, and hopefully with a little less gelato and tomatoes 😀

    1. candidkay says:

      Oh, Mark:). I can’t eat gelato or tomatoes anymore without thinking of these men. Couldn’t they have chosen anything but such delicious foods? Like maybe lima beans?

      1. Imagine if it was ice cream 😀

  15. wishing you all the best for a continuance of thoughtful and kind…

  16. Amy says:

    You are finding joy, one step at a time, and I am so happy for you! And btw, I’m still chuckling over Mr. Tomato Parables. Quite a character study, that one! xo

    1. candidkay says:

      I would love to see who Mr. Tomatohead ends up with, Amy! As long as it’s not me:).

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