Can I begin at the end?

I was trying very hard not to curse anywhere but in my head.

Which was probably a good thing because I don’t think they take well to loudly screamed f*&$*s at my local exercise facility. And quite frankly, given that I am doing pushups on a board, I’m not sure I have the lung capacity right now to scream.

Instead of screaming, I gently reminded myself that starting where you are is not for sissies.

And that’s what I’m doing—starting where I am.iStock_000038697448Small

Back in the day, I used exercise to help me through stress and life’s little bumps. At some point over the past few years, exercise went right out the window. Injuries sidelined me. Or work called. Or I was just plain dog tired. Many of you, I’m sure, know the routine.

When my sister oh so lovingly posted vacation pics of me looking like a baby hippo—and I wondered who that thick-through-the-middle woman was—I decided it was time to crack the whip again.

And by crack the whip, I mean fit in at least a measly 30 minutes of exercise per day.

Triathletes, begone. I can hear your snickers. Go have some whey protein.

Why 30 minutes?

Because you have to start somewhere.

And I’m starting where I am.

Which sucks.

I realize I am not alone. Many of us forego beginning new things because it means facing our current situation.

The couple who avoids marriage counseling for years because it means accepting that they’re in “that” situation. Avoidance allows them to think it’s not that bad. Until they get divorced.

The person whose social drinking remains just that, in their head at least. Because talking to someone about it means admitting they might have a problem. Until they realize it really is a problem when they get pulled over for crossing the center line on the road.

I don’t think I need to go on. We all have areas where we don’t like the truth so we avoid it. And in so doing, we get to live in Lala Land a bit longer.

But in the meantime, the problem grows larger. Like I have.

So, I need to get fit. Again. Did I mention I taught aerobics at one point?

That means I know what I need to do. And I write that as I drink my whey protein breakfast smoothie.

It will take a while; this I know.

I am a hedonist. I love good food, good wine and do not believe monk-like asceticism is healthy for all that long. There will be a crème brulee in my regimen somewhere. And probably a sparkling rosé.

I do not desire to look good to take revenge on my ex, attract hoards of suitors or make the women at the pool drool in envy. All seem to be motivators for a good portion of the population but, quite frankly, I think those are stupid, other-centered motivators.

I just want to be healthy, feel good, have more energy. Enjoy life.

Fit into my f*$*($*ing jeans.

So off I go, beginning where I am. No denial.

Beginning where you are might suck, but it sure beats the alternative, which is not beginning at all. I’ve done that for long enough.

How about you?


19 Comments Add yours

  1. It is also very good to hear from a woman who is not going to bore the hell out of us with her ecstasy over kale and green juices. I find it very, very, very difficult to lose the 30+ lbs I really have to get off my body — while also really enjoying what I eat and drink.

    I loathe most “healthy” foods (see: kale, quinoa, etc.) while I eat only fresh veg and fruit and fast food maybe twice a year…My weakness is liquor (a gimlet or G & T in summer, wine — 2 small glasses, at most, with dinner.) Yes, I could cut it out completely and probably lose a lot faster. But I know I am not going to be able to sustain that. I also find that midlife deprives us of many other easy pleasures, so food and drink look more appealing.

    1. candidkay says:

      You’ve brought up a topic I avoided–the addiction of healthy living evangelists. The ones who cannot be happy & functioning unless they’ve had their 10-mile run every single day at 5 a.m. Who have forgone any pleasure from food for pure function–salmon and greens not because they’re good but because they’re good for you. I am all for healthy living, but the European way–everything in moderation and for God’s sake, enjoy yourself.

      1. They make me nuts. Boring AND judgmental.

  2. Oh yes, this is me too! At the start of the year – or not long after – I realised I had to do something. Like you, I was not recognising that woman in the photos (or the shop window reflection). For some reason, my mirror at home was OK! So I have lost about 10kg – and have another 10 to go before I will feel better! But it goes up and down – and my travelling life, that involves a lot of dining out, doesn’t help to keep the loss consistent! But I’ll get there…as you will. Onward and upward!

    1. candidkay says:

      Funny, Lee, the shop windows get me also! And I would like to think they distort–but they don’t:( You’re right–onward and upward!

  3. I think you’ve been up in my head and spewed out the stuff I didn’t know how to say.

    Yes. I’m at that point. I’ve BEEN at that point. Just 10 lbs….that’s all. But a while back I was saying just 8.

    So, yeah.

    And it’s all for the same reasons you stated: To be healthy, feel good, have more energy. Enjoy life.

    And ok. The jeans thing, too.


  4. Wendy Kate says:

    I think after a while it becomes a habit. Don’t beat yourself up it you miss a session and don’t stop either! I try and do 30 minutes 6 days out of 7. I wish you all the best with it 🙂

  5. Jim Simon says:

    remember… you are not your body. YOU are your spirit. “True change is within, leave the outside as it is.” -The Dalai Lama

    1. candidkay says:

      Ah yes, Jim:). But spirit is at its best in a vessel treated with respect and love. Exercise and eating right helps us all be a clear channel.

  6. iamginamarie says:

    Yep, starting where I am. Thanks.

  7. Loved reading this. Boy, have we all felt like this at some point. My partner started a running regimen two days ago. This morning he says to me, “The hardest part of this is wanting all the change to happen right away.” Did I mention it’s been two days? But I know what he means! It takes serious guts to begin; it’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel very fair. Which makes you a hero. In a way, we are always beginning. I raise my glass of sparkling rosé to you 😉

    1. candidkay says:

      I am with your partner on this one! Two days and I was ready to see results:). Here’s to both of us getting there.

  8. Kami says:

    Starting where I am works for me. I like the way you think!!

  9. jewelly123 says:

    Just happened on this post commenting on “The Bloggess”……Thank you candidkay! I too use to run (jog) 3-5 miles a day and now……nothing.( harummmph…..) I’ve gained 20 lbs. which puts me at a size 10. It’s not about fitting into my skinny jeans….I don’t want to work THAT hard again, but I just want to feel better and less sluggish. I kept thinking, I’m 53 years old, the days of size 6 are over. But realize it’s not about size at all or age. Just start. You have said the magic words I have been waiting for. Start where I am! Brilliant, and thank you again……I’m starting today.

    1. candidkay says:

      Am so glad you stumbled upon my blog. And that it struck a chord with you–even better! I hear you. On all of it. And you know what? Starting small and having realistic expectations really works. At least, that’s what has worked for me in the past. Here’s to both of us . . . not easy to start over!

  10. Amy says:

    Team K: YAY!! Three cheers for you!!! (Maybe some of your determination and willpower will rub off on me!)

  11. candidkay says:

    Thanks for the encouragement and I’m glad to know you’re out there sweating merrily away also:). I hear you on genetics. My sisters are all over 50 also and the only one feeling trim is the one working at it. Not. Giving. Up.

  12. Kate says:

    I’m right there with ya sistah! Tell it! I saw a picture of my mother and my sisters and THAT was my motivation – they are all over 50 and all used to be trim. Genetics be damned – NOT going to go there if by 30 minute a day I can stave off my genetic pre-disposition. I mean really – taking the ‘tude of don’t fight the inevitable just doesn’t work for me! Am I a gym rat? – hardly – do I go left when everyone lese moves left – yup! But we have to take care of US for no other reason that WE feel better about US and not the other ladies at the pool or gym! Go CHRISSY GO!

    1. candidkay says:

      Thanks for the encouragement and I’m glad to know you’re out there sweating merrily away also:). I hear you on genetics. My sisters are all over 50 also and the only one feeling trim is the one working at it. Not. Giving. Up.

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